White DE version 2

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Q & A With Matty McMattMatt

Q: What time did Matty finish watching 'Alone in the Dark' last night?
A: 2:30 am

Q: What time did Matty have to me at work this morning?
A: 7:00 am

Q: What did Matty NOT do on the way to work?
A: Buy a tank of gas @ $2.69/gallon.

Q: What DID Matty do on the way home from work?
A: Buy a tank of gas @ $3.39/gallon.

Q: How long did Matty work today?
A: 7a-4p. 9 hours.

Q: How many customers yelled at Matty because they are tardbuckets and can't understand the sale.
A: 3

Q: What did Matty have for lunch today?
A: Nothing - Matty did not get a lunch break.

Q: What is Matty drinking right now (4:30p)?
A: Rock Green Light (Low Carb Rolling Rock)

Q: How happy is Matty to be home?
A: You have NO idea!

And - New MOTM...dedicated to That Matt Guy. Kina, again...This time 'Girl from the Gutter' Thunderpuss Mix.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005


It's new...It's music...It's true...

Nothing else to talk about...


Madonna - Nobody Knows Me

I've had so many lives
Since I was a child
And I realise
How many times I've died
I'm not that kind of guy
Sometimes I feel shy
I think I can fly
Closer to the sky

No ones telling you how to live your life
But it's a setup until you're fed up

This world is not so kind
People trap your mind
It's so hard to find
Someone to admire

I… I sleep much better at night
I feel closer to the light
Now I'm gonna try
To improve my life

No ones telling you how to live your life
But it's a setup until you're fed up
It's no good when you're misunderstood
But why should I care?
What the world thinks of me
Won't let a stranger
Give me a social disease

Nobody, nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Like you know me

Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Like you know me

I don't want no lies
I don't watch TV
I don't waste my time
Won't read a magazine

I don't want no lies
I don't watch TV
I don't waste my time
Won't read a magazine

I… I sleep much better at night
I feel closer to the light
Now I'm gonna try
To improve my life

Nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Like you know me

*Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Like, like you know me
Like you know me
Like you know me
Like you know me
Like you know me

*(Its no fun but the damage is done
Don't want your social disease
Don't want your social disease)

**Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Like you know me

Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Don't want your social disease

Monday, August 29, 2005

Awesome UN-Breakup Song of the Week

So, this Awesome Breakup Song of the week thing was supposed to be bitter and empowering songs...but this one isn't. This song has been floating around in my head all week. It's the song that I listened to when everything seemed to be going wrong in my last relationship...realizing that we were hanging on to something that wasn't there anymore. For anyone not in a relationship, I think it actually shows the reality of one pretty well...for anyone that IS in a relationship, I think it's a good way to keep priorities straight sometimes.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Sunday Dinner

had to work again today...no biggie...

Brittnie invited Lynn and I over for dinner tonight with her brother, Andy...he's a little Delta Chi and one of my super favorite people. We had chicken and pasta, bruschetta, and salad. The bruschetta was, in a word, awesome. Andy made this awesome garlic, olive oil, something paste for the bread that was SO good...the pasta was good, chicken - yummy...the salad had this great vidalia onion dressing... fantastic meal...

Then we sat down to watch A Lot Like Love with Ashton Kutcher and Amanda Peet. It was worth the $4 I spent to rent it...but I am in no hurry to watch it again. It had a good ending, though, and that was worth it. I also rented Assault on Precint 13 and Alone in the Dark. Assault looks like it might be good...at least I remember liking the preview. Alone in the Dark, on the other hand, we rented only because we felt bad for the alcoholic 30-something that star in it...Christian Slater, Tara Reid, and Stephen Dorff.

Blah Blah...work tomorrow...blah blah...nothing of interest...


I just woke up with Mr. Tim Russert on my television telling me that, now, a majority of Americans think the war in Iraq was a mistake.

I would just like to thank the American public for catching up...I've been waiting for you.

Saturday, August 27, 2005


God, it's late. 2:30 now...and I have to be at work at 9:45. It sucks. You know what doesn't suck, though...Our newest Music of the Moment.

Some of you may have noticed I tend to put up a lot of Benny Benassi mixes. That's because he's awesome. He has a way of manipulating music to make it undeniably happy...not bad for a 38 year old Italian guy, lol. This song is 3 years old and still the first song I think of when I want to go out. It has a lot of personal references to different times out in different cities, all of them positive. It's a simple song...

Push me,
and then just touch me
till I can get my

You just read every lyric in the entire song. Sounds boring, right? Hardly. It's an awesome song that never fails to bring me up.

*Not that I am in danger of running out of songs for MOTM, but I would love some of your feedback. I know I tend to listen to remixes and DJs more often than radio-played music, but I would love to know if you have a certain favorite that I should check out.

Thursday, August 25, 2005


It's time for another Music of the Moment, and because I very much would like to be in Chicago this weekend we are going with a personal favorite Ralphi Rosario. I'm sure you've all heard something of his if you've been in a club in the past 5 years. Currently he holds two residencies in Chicago: Berlin every other Tuesday and Hydrate every Saturday night. By the way, if you are in Chicago, be sure to stop by Hydrate this Friday night for Lube Wrestling...it's some good, clean fun. Actually, it's some slippery, near-naked fun...but whatever. (Click the Hydrate link above for more info.)

This is one of his newest mixes, 'Take Me Up'. It's uncharacteristically short for Mr. Rosario, but he uses it mostly to get the 'standers' off the dance floor, lol. It's just a great, happy song...not about love, breaking up, drama, anything...just about music and the love of it.

Music is a natural high.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Well, It Doesn't Suck SO Bad...

...when I can come home and know that I made $30/hour for the day. It DOES suck so bad, though, when people are tard-buckets.

OK, so I sell shoes...I do it well. I know what I am doing. If you ask me for a size 8 and I come out and tell you that a 9 is my closest size in that shoe...do NOT ask if there is an 8 again. Do NOT ask for a 7 1/2 or 8 1/2, either. Aren't those closer to 8 than 9 is? Well, then...I would have brought them. (I can count.)

Also...When I tell you that I do not have your size, but I do have 1/2 a size up and the shoe runs small - do NOT tell me that you are a 'true size x' and refuse to try it. You're not...I guarantee it. No one wears the same size in all styles/brands of shoes. No one...no, not even you. Shoes sizes are not regulated...by anyone or anything. I can start a shoe company and tell you that you are a size J. I made it up...just like every other brand does. Just try the damn shoe...

One more thing - You know those racks that are there with all the right shoes of the pairs that are on clearance? They're not there to look pretty. They are there for you to try on before you send me to get the mate. Those shoes are not expensive enough for it to be worth my time to cart out 4-6-8 of them just so you can decide they are all the wrong size. Try the one that is there...if that one doesn't fit, the left one isn't going to, either.

This is not rocket science, people. It's more important - it's shoes.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

I'm Available

Time for a new Music of the Moment. Tonight it's Benny Benassi "Able to Love". No particular reason for this song other than it is pretty much the best song to have sex to, in my not at all humble opinion. Well, it's only 7 minutes long...have something else lead-in. I have a 30 minute mix...THAT is a little better, but the file is too big. :(

Let's just say it's been a while and this song reminds me of ...um... more active times.

Damn, Missed it Again

Yesterday was our 6 month anniversary together! I wrote my first entry on February 22nd, 2005 and no one read it, lol. Actually, I think I had 5 posts that day. Being rather loquacious, it didn't matter if anyone else was going to read what I wrote...this was an uninterrupted forum where I could spout whatever drivel I saw fit. (And I have.) There have been ups and downs...some more obvious than others. I have met some really fantastic people, and heard from a few that needed to criticize me in some way. That's what it's here for though...your consumption. In ~180 days we have had 277 posts. That's just over 1.5 posts per day so you don't have to do the math. Since the counter was added at the end of March 11,000 wonderful people have peeked at my life. (About 75 per day - again so your little headsies don't hurt.)

I don't go back and read what I wrote. The temptation to edit is too great. I had planned to be moved to Chicago right about now...that didn't happen. It would be far too easy to go find whatever post I wrote that in and just highlight it and delete it forever. BUT...I don't want to do that. I will, however, leave you with the first words I ever wrote as a 'Blogger'. They still ring as true today as they did 6 months ago.

OK...So I Like Shoes.....

I'm gay, what do you expect? Of course i like shoes. They're pretty, expensive, sometimes painful, and the best ones are completely impractical.
I never realized it, but looking at that sentence makes me think...I feel the same about relationships. I think I just replaced boys with shoes. hmm...think about that twice.

Oh.Ma.Gawd OMG!

OK, so I have this chair, right? I bought this chair at Goodwill about 5 years ago for $3. I LOVE my chair. (I'm sitting on it right now, actually.) I have used it as my desk chair since I bought it. It's a little uncomfortable to sit in for long periods of time, but that helps me regulate my computer time, lol. Well, I was talking to Pimpin' D about it a few days ago and was trying to find a picture of it online. I didn't think it would be that hard to do. I know the company and the model # (1004), but I could not, for the life of me, find a picture of it. (It looks similar to the pic here, but imagine an upholstered seat and only one bottom cross brace.)

Well, out of pure curiosity, I e-mailed the sales department at Emeco and asked them for some more information about the chair. I got a response a couple days later from the office manager saying that she couldn't find any information on that particular model, but she would have someone get back to me after his vacation.

I started to think that, most likely, the chair was a reproduction, or an out and out fake. I figured it couldn't hurt to take it to a local antique shop where a friend of mine works. She identified it as an authentic Emeco, but was wary to put an actual price on it. (In the hopes I wouldn't make her buy it, I think, lol) She did say, though, that it would probably price above 3K, maybe into the 10s. Exciting...n'est-ce pas? tres.

This morning I got an e-mail from Gregg Buchbinder. He is the CEO of Emeco. (Mr. Big Pants)

Dear Matt,

You do have a rare piece!

The 1004 Side Chair is part of the Emeco Management Series launched in 1947. All other chairs in this series 1001 Arm Chair, 1002 Side Chair, 1003 Swivel Chair, 1005 Swivel Chair we own and are part of our collection in the Emeco Museum. I have been looking for a 1004 for some time and have only seen photos.

While I can not give you a firm price on such an item, I would imagine it to be upwards of $10,000. Condition in a case such as this would be nearly negligible in it's effect on value. I wish we could afford to buy it from you. We will gladly accept a donation to our museum!

Best regards,

Holy effing shit. I don't even have the words to describe how awesome this is, lol. Considering the condition of the chair is nearly perfect, I am almost afraid to imagine what it could be worth. The only condition problem is that when I bought it, the original vinyl covering was torn completely off of the seat and I recovered it with fabric. I don't even know what other condition problems there could be. Emeco gained their reputation by building the 1006 chair for the US Navy - and those chairs last for-fucking-ever. Click here and check out the 'About Us' section to see the process of how these chairs are made. (77 individual steps!)

I almost feel guilty not offering it to their museum...but I LOVE my chair. :( And to imagine I have been sitting my little fat ass on a 10K chair for the past 5 years...dayum.

So, what do you guys think? Should I donate it to the Emeco furniture museum? Should I sell it and rejoice in the money? Or should I keep the chair I love and be happy in the knowledge of it's value? Let me know by clicking your choice in the Mini-Poll box on the sidebar.

Monday, August 22, 2005

You're the Worst Thing for Me

So, we have our first Awesome Breakup Song. Pusaka feat. Thea Austin - You're the Worst Thing for Me. You know that relationship that you know is bad for you, but you can't bear the thought of life without the person...I think that's what this song speaks to. He's done you wrong so many times that he should've been dropped a long time ago. But...there he is - still in your life. The harder you try to get rid of him, the more you end up back in his arms.

In other news...the weekend was pretty awesome. I worked till 10 on Saturday and came home to get ready to go out. Robyn met us at Lynn's apartment and we headed up the hill to Chauncey. Our friend Brittnie was at Stacks (aka Wabash Yacht Club) and we were going to meet her there. Well, we got there and in the first 5 minutes one girl dropped an entire drink on the floor in front of me, a girl burned Lynn's leg with a cigarette, Robyn stepped on some guys toe, and Brittnie decided she was going to go home. To make it so much better, the place was PACKED. Like fire-code violations packed. I didn't see anyone sitting at the tables, and I hope there wasn't because they would have been trampled beneath the crowd, lol. There was not even a path from the front to the back. When I say all that happened in the first 5 minutes...it also happened in the ONLY 5 minutes we were there.

We got back in the car and headed across the river into downtown Lafayette. Good ole Knickerbocker. We had free passes from Jeff so we didn't even have to pay cover...ROCK! We got there at about midnight and started boozing. Considering Jeff knew I wasn't driving and he loves to see me drunk, my second drink was basically a glass of vodka that he pointed the soda at. I almost wanted to ask for some lime juice so I could call it a cocktail instead of a triple shot, lol. (And, he caught on that I don't like a lime wedge on my glass, so I got a big gay umbrella instead, lol) By the time I finished that drink it was after last call...we headed out of that bar so the girls could clean the tables and floor. After a cigarette we headed back in and sat at the bar while Jeff closed up. Purdue had held a welcome-back luncheon for the faculty at the bar that afternoon, so Jeff carted out tray after tray of hors d'oeuvres. Yummm. We had little sweet nibbly things and stuffed grape leaves, pickled asparagus, cantaloupe wrapped in prosciutto, and hummus. (Oh god...the hummus - to die for.) And, of course, we had another drink...just to make sure we wouldn't lose the precious buzz.

Around 4:00 we headed to Jeff and Hollie's to play cards...and drink more. There was poker, there was vodka, there was beer, there was a hot tub...and there were a lot of people not wearing underwear. (Who wears underwear on Saturday night? No one I know, evidently.) Lynn smacked my ass so hard she had to ice her hand...I think I still have a handprint on my butt. Let's just say I got home at 8:00 on Sunday morning. I still couldn't sleep, so I slipped off my shoes and into my lawn-mowing flip-flops and did yardwork all morning. I finally got to sleep around 3:00 in the afternoon and ended up sleeping till 9:00.

Got to work today and had to train Holly's replacement...So far I don't like her. I'm sure she'll work out fine, but for now...her personality is too 'blah' for me.

Enough for now...enjoy the music and your Monday night.

Damn, Missed It...

Sometime Saturday night while I was out boozing it till 8:00 am we hit 10,000 visitors. oops. Well, congratulations to whoever it was. (There's not a prize or anything, just the personal satisfaction of knowing you did it, lol)

Rushing this morning to get to work...I will fill you guys in on the weekend and have a new MOTM for you tonight.

Have a bearable Monday. :)

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Nothing Important...

What Makes You.. by SheBangs12
Your name?
Your gender?
What makes you sexy?Your hands
What makes you pretty?Your style
What makes you loveable?How sexy you are
What makes you fun?Your adventurous nature
What makes you irresistable?Your laugh
What makes you cute?Your personality
Quiz created with MemeGen!

I found this on someone's MySpace and thought I would post it. I am posting this mostly because I find it hilarious that it can deduce so many things from just your name and sex. (And believe me...my hands are NOT what makes me sexy. You try running around a stockroom for 8 hours a day and schlepping 1,000 boxes of shoes to and fro...your nails wouldn't be perfectly manicured, either.) Um, and isn't it a death knell for it to be said that your 'personality' makes you cute? I don't like this at all, lol. I do approve of all the other answers, though...infer away.

So, your Matty McMattMatt has been poor lately. And to add insult to injury, I have wanted nothing more than to go out dancing for a night. Usually, this would involve a trip to Chicago...but I am almost willing to take on the campus bars for this. There is one problem with this situation: campus bars have dance floors - but - they do not have Dance Floors. I think you know what I mean by this. This is where this Music of the Moment comes in. It's a Junior Vasquez mix...and a great one at that.

For those of you that get antsy when music has no lyrics...skip to this point in the song.

In the process of trying to choose the next song for the blog, I narrowed all of my music down to about 30 songs. What I noticed of these songs is the fact that a good 50% of them were breakup songs. I have never really had a bad breakup, but I sometimes think that part of my desire for a relationship is really wanting a dramatic breakup...you know, the stuff they write songs about. I.Q. has his Product of the Week (POW), so I am thinking about Awesome Breakup Song of the Week (ABS).

Anyway, back to the breakup songs - I am thinking Monday for these. Mondays suck anyway...people are usually bitter. I say add to it by listening to a song that you can relate to the worst relationship you ever had. There are some good ones...I have an entire folder devoted to 'Breakup Songs' contained in my 'Relationship Songs' folder. You know, they say it is a sign of mental illness to have a 'soundtrack' to life...if so, put me in the padded cell. I think of different snips of songs all day that apply to the situation. I like my soundtrack.

Also, I know things have been a little jumpy lately with so many people tramping through our little space here. Let's just say that in the past 2 days we almost exceeded the traffic of the last 2 months combined! For those of you that are new and staying, welcome. For those of you that have been around...it's time to get back to normal, Matty McMattMatt says so.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Friday, August 19, 2005

It's Not You...It's Me

I have to break up with you...I'm in love with someone else. He treats me right.

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You want this? Yeah, I know you do. Tell me how much you want it.

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I wonder what we'll find in here. Let me just...

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...get these comfy GAP jeans off.

[The following scene has been removed for the protection of our viewers' innocence. Just use your imagination...you know me well enough to figure out what happens.]

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Thanks. That was awesome...see you later.

Now, do you see why I am in love? He's so sweet to me.


First, and most importantly, Jason is back from his computer-induced hiatus...I know I'm excited...and you all should be, too.

Now, on to other new business:

So, um...wow.

I thought the Jude Law pics might cause a stir. I knew some of you (regulars) would want to see them, so I posted them. Well, when TottyLand posted my link...things went a little crazy. In comparison...It took this blog a little over 2 months to accumulate the first 1,000 visits. Today, it took 10 hours.

If I knew all I had to do to get people to stop by was post nude pictures, I would have started long ago, lol. I'm kidding...this blog never has been about that...and I don't foresee a turn in that direction.

Considering there are still 2 hours till midnight on the west coast, I can only imagine what the total might end up at, lol. (I still wish more people would comment...even just random people passing through. (There are a lot, lol)

I don't really have anything else to say, I guess...I have to work early in the morning and I am heading to bed soon. Have a good night...I wish you all sweet dreams of Jude.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Soup and a Sandwich

So, today was actually a really great day at work. I opened with Holly, so it was obviously a good start. She just got the counter manager position at Lancome, so we were both in great moods. I made some decent money by the time Lynn came in at 1:00, and even got a new credit customer. (We're supposed to have 1 for every 20 hours we work...I usually average more like 1 for every 60 hours I work.)

Holly and I went to O'Charley's for lunch. It was SO good. The loaded potato soup is literally my favorite food. (OK, I know it's horrible for you, but I rationalize it about once a month.) We sat at the bar, because you save 10% that way...yeah, we're that cheap. Anyway, this guy came in to pick up a to-go order and sat across the bar from us. This boy was HOT. (Holly and I polled ourselves...it was unanimous.) He was wearing this t-shirt with some sort of crest across the chest and the word 'OBEY' in big letters across the top. No problem...I would have gladly followed any orders he had in mind. Either he kept catching me glancing at him or I kept catching him glancing at me...who cares...he was hot. Made the first 20 minutes of lunch pleasurable.

We got back to work and it really slowed down. There is something, though, about actually leaving the mall at lunch rather than running down to one of the restaurants inside. It makes you all giddy after lunch - We have actually been asked if we were drunk a few times. Anyway...the afternoon went quickly and now I am at home eating dinner...num num.

Just a quick note...I have had a few comments/e-mails about my Jude Law Post that have insinuated that I am a size queen or do not realize that penis size varies or whatever. Rest assured that I have seen (more than) my fair share of penises (penii?) in my time. I have seen all sizes...some at each scary end of the spectrum. And I have seen first-hand the miracle that is the 'Grower'...doubling - tripling in size...I know it happens. Worry not, friends...I am an equal opportunity enjoyer. And, lest you forget, I do actually OWN a penis...attached, at that...and I know it in every state.

It Just Looks So...Fake

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I know it's a real still ad from the movie. I saw it myself this morning on AIM Today Beta...But there is something about that tagline that makes this seem SO much like a spoof of a bad movie. I think that can not be a good sign.

(Enjoy the new Music of the Moment..an old favorite.)

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

SO Exciting...and Then, SO Sad...

I didn't really plan to post anything tonight, but when I heard about this, I knew I must not be the only one that would want to see. Seems Jude Law has been visiting his mother in France. Some papparazzi caught him outside in the nude. Seeing as how these pictures are ENTIRELY not safe for work, I will provide them in link form so no one loses their job.

If those links don't work you can try:

I know he already showed some skin in Wilde and The Talented Mr. Ripley, but these are sneaky pics, lol. I got all worked up when I heard about the pictures...and then kinda deflated when I saw them. Jude is not nearly as impressive as I had hoped. (Let's hope he's a grower and not a shower.) I have seriously been waiting for this forever, lol...I am IN LOVE with Jude Law and have always wanted some pics. I have a friend that looks like Jude Law...and now I know my friend looks better naked. ;)

(Don't forget to click here!)


Vodka + Witches = Bitches

So, I got an invite for tomorrow night to a Vox vodka party. YAY, right? No. It's at Hydrate in Chicago, and tomorrow night I will be at Tippecanoe Mall in Lafayette.

So, if you are in Chicago tomorrow night, stop by Hydrate. There are free Vox cocktails...and you could win tickets to see Wicked. AND it is the Hy-Drag Revue night.

Get it? Vodka + Witches = Bitches

It's a stretch...just follow me.

PLUS, it gives me an excuse to post this new song. A GREAT interpretation of a Tom Jones classic, lol.

Have a good night, kids.

Ricki-Palooza (Part III)

Landon and I decided that if she came near us after taping we would recreate that scene to the best of our ability. We finally got our chance. After taping wrapped she came down to shake our hands in the front row. As she approached, Landon and I prepared...When she was right in front of us we launched into it as loud as we could. We reached our peak at "OUR BOSOMS ARE OUR WEAPONS!" We had the whole thing, even the chest shaking. It was perfect - She completely lost her “talk show host” demeanor and cracked up. She looked at us like we were from another planet and said, "Oh my gosh. You guys were the ones that saw that movie!" Everyone was cracking up at this point, and after a little (ok, a lot...and it wasn't pretty.) begging she did it for us. Classic.

After taping, they took us back to the hotel. Since we had wasted our first day in the city, we headed out for a few key points. We headed down to Ground Zero. That was an experience yet to be equaled. We spent some time just walking around, talking to some other people visiting. After a walk around some of the memorials, we headed back uptown. We didn't really care to do all the tourist things. Empire State Building, Statue of Liberty, blah blah blah. I did manage to see the Flat Iron Building, which has always been my favorite building in New York...and we definitely took advantage of the 3/$10 NYC t-shirts being sold everywhere as gifts for people at home.

We were scheduled to leave early the next morning, but we figured since we wasted one night we better make the best of this Friday night. At the hotel we got all primped and headed out for the subway station. I don’t remember where, exactly, we were supposed to go, but it was on or near Christopher St and the servers were drag queens. We got about halfway to the subway stop when it started pouring. We bought an umbrella and soldiered on...we were not to be deterred. Well, when we got to the platform we were told that the one train that would take us exactly where we needed to go had been closed for the weekend. The transit guy said something about a crosstown bus and I tuned out. We said screw it and headed back to the hotel, stopping along the way for pizza at Ray’s. I don’t remember if it was Famous Ray’s, Ray’s Original, or World-Famous Original Ray’s...but it sucked. No offense to people that eat New York pizza...but coming from Chicago, it was horrible. I’ll stick with my Chicago pizza...and a Chicago dog is still the only hot dog I will eat.

Anyway, we got back to the hotel and had a couple beers in the bar there before heading to bed. Early the next morning we went downstairs to meet our car. Guess what...no car. I had an itinerary from the producer that said we were supposed to be picked up at a certain time and a contact number for him. Well, about 20 minutes passed and no car showed up. I went inside to call the producer, and, of course, he's not in the office on Saturday. I tried to call the car service to no avail. We waited until literally the last minute and I finally haggled a cab driver down to $20 for the ride to JFK. We got to the airport JUST in time to make it through security. This time we didn't have the Ricki Lake Gods on our side, and it took a little longer. We flew back through St. Louis and into Indy. There was a car waiting for us in Indianapolis, but we bypassed him. We had called Mollie's father from St. Louis and he agreed to pick us up at the airport in Indy. We made it home and made a silent pact to pretty much never speak to each other about the fiasco that the trip had turned into.

The episode aired about a month later, and some of our friends had organized a 'screening party' at the local gay bar. Mollie and I were so over the experience by this point that we skipped the show and arrived just as the credits were rolling. (There were free drinks to be had, you know.)

I know some of you have commented and e-mailed about wanting pics and/or screen caps. Unfortunately, Ricki doesn't provide a video copy of your episode. One of our friends recorded it for us and gave us the video. Well, it hasn't survived the moves since then, and I don't have any record of it at all. If anyone out there might happen to know someone that works for Ricki Lake or the syndication company...I think enough time has passed that I might like to see it again.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Ricki-Tacular (Part II)

Here we go, kids...Part II of the Ricki Lake story. Thanks for your comments and e-mails about Part I.

So, it was just me and Mollie at this point. Cue the drama.

Mollie decided that if James wasn’t going she didn’t want to either. This was beginning to sober me up a little. The producer pulled me aside and told me I had to get control of the situation. The situation, I informed her, was her problem…not mine. I was ready to go…and told her that. Unfortunately, I would not make much of a show on my own. (I take that back…I would make a great show) After much talking, I still couldn’t make Mollie change her mind. We missed our flight, and our producer was PISSED! She made it very clear to me how much money was being spent on us…and we HAD signed contracts. All of the tickets that were purchased for us were non-refundable, of course, because of the late notice. (Not to mention the cost of the film crew, etc.) I finally convinced Mollie that we should go…If nothing else it was a free trip to NYC. As we’re trying to board, we realize that Mollie has lost her wallet. She has NO I.D…NO money, NO anything.

We got ahold of the club manager from OP's...he actually called employees back help look..he's a sweetie, but they didn't find it. We called IHOP...no luck there, either. The only place we couldn't get ahold of was the Slippery Noodle, so we assumed it had been left there. Somehow our producer got the Ricki Lake Gods to wrangle our way through security with nothing more than a name and promise for Mollie. I still don’t know how we were allowed to board…especially being only 1 year after 9/11. (It's a little disturbing, actually, when you think about it.)

Our first flight was from Indianapolis to Chicago. When we got to Chicago we had already missed our first connection. (At this point, 8 non-refundable tickets have been wasted.) While our producer was buying us more (non-refundable) tickets, Mollie snuck off and called her parents collect. She wanted them to come get her. They were on the phone for about an hour. Guess what…we missed our next flight. (ticket count: 11) Mollie’s parents finally flatly refused to drive to Chicago to get us, and I had no one I could call. (I hadn’t told anyone but my friends what I was doing…my family STILL thinks I was in Saint Louis that weekend.) We FINALLY got on a flight (again with no ID!) to Newark.

When we landed in Newark it Thursdayafternoon, and there was a limo waiting for us…fancy schmancy. I was too tired to care, I had been awake since 5:00 on Wednesday. The car drove us into the city and we had to stop at the studio to pick up another producer. He greeted us and gave us our per diem…only 50 bucks, the cheapskates. Before we headed to the hotel, they took us to some random electronics shop where they will make you an ID from any state. It was so sketchy and unnecessary…but, they paid the $45 for it. The thing looked like the worst fake ID I have ever seen and wouldn’t be accepted anywhere, but they thought it was needed. So, Mollie had an ‘ID’ now…with the worst picture I have ever seen anyone take. She was tired, her hair was horrible, makeup smeared, and it was raining, lol.

After finally arriving at our hotel, we ventured out for dinner. We thought we should experience NYC the right way…so we headed straight for Popeye’s near Times Square. (I know, you're jealous, right?) After dinner, we returned for a nap and then were going to head out on the town. (Unfortunately, we slept right through till Friday morning, wasting our entire first day in NYC.)

Friday was taping day. We were picked up in a van with some of the other guests on our show and taken to the studio. At the studio we were herded into separate rooms. No one was in the same room as who we would appear with. This was so they could try to rile up some controversy. It soon became obvious that Mollie and I were a little out of our element. The other guests on the show shared the story line of ‘straight girl in love with gay male friend’. Mollie and I just happened to be a straight girl and a gay boy that got along well and enjoyed partying together…there were no romantic undertones. Mollie and I would drink together, party together, live together, but sleep separately. The producers were a little disappointed in our vanilla story…but I was somewhat proud of our well-adjusted friendship.

We weren’t the only ones that weren’t actually in a love triangle. (I guess triangle might not be the right word there, but I'm leaving it.) I shared my dressing room with a cutie from Colorado named Landon. Over lunch (a deli-tray - to continue our high class eats) he spilled that the 2 girls he was here with were not actually a girl in love with him and her best friend. They were two of his classmates from a drama class. They had only known each other for 3-4 weeks. Turns out the story was true - kinda, but he couldn't get the girl to agree to come on the show. Landon and I had plenty of time to get to know each other…we were there for 3 hours before taping started. Ricki was late…Very late. When we finally received word that she was in the building, they made us get in our rooms and close the doors, lest we witness the Glory of the Ricki. Landon and I said screw it and left our room to roam the halls, trying to find Ricki’s dressing room. We never did, but we had fun exploring the building. The producers were, by this point, really losing patience in all of us...threatening to cancel the show. I knew, from personal experience, that they had already spent enough money that they couldn't afford to cancel, so Landon and I continued our antics.

The taping, itself, was fairly boring. We weren’t allowed to watch the people taping before us, so it seemed to take forever. Mollie and I knew that our segment was right in the middle of the show, so we didn’t have to wait too long. I entered the through the elevator (ROCK!) and Mollie came down the stairs. We talked about our friendship and Ricki threw to the taped piece. (We were horrified about this because cameras had followed us ALL night…and caught ALL the dirt. They have footage of people getting it on the bathroom, puking on the sidewalk, taking shots, chugging beers, passing out…the whole bit – and they wouldn’t show us what they were going to air before hand.) Mollie and I breathed a collective sigh of relief when they showed a quick-cut montage of only the fun, awesome parts of the evening…mostly focusing on Mollie’s performance from the Slippery Noodle and the group of us rocking the dance floor at OP’s. The most dramatic part of our segment was when Mollie admitted that, yes, she was looking for a boyfriend…and she knew she wasn't goint to find him hanging out with us. But, she never confused the fun she had with us as something that would find her true love.

After our segment, they sat us in the front row along with everyone else that had already taped. We paid absolutely no more attention to the rest of the show. Landon and I sat there making fun of all the gay guys in the audience…and rating them on a 1-10 scale of hotness. During the commercial breaks, Ricki would run off stage to who-knows-where and a rather un-funny comedian would come out to tell jokes and give away t-shirts. In between rating the gays in the audience, Landon and I would bond over Cry Baby, a John Waters movie in which Ricki had played Pepper Walker. Her most memorable line is ‘The first thing a Cry-Baby girl learns is our bosoms are our weapons’ while shaking her ample chest. Landon and I decided that if she came near us after taping we would recreate that scene to the best of our ability. Each group came out and did their thing...scandal, blah blah blah...it got old really quick. After taping, though, Landon and I finally got our chance.

I'll leave it there for today. Only one more part to go. OMG, can you hardly stand it! lol. Tune in tomorrow for the conclusion of the Ricki Lake extravaganza.....

*****Click here for Part III

Monday, August 15, 2005

Listen Up! It's a MoHo

I am all atwitter. I just finished sharing some mutual linkage love with Bex. I e-mailed her last Friday about getting some link love and she wrote back just a little while ago.

i love the 'mos and the 'mos love me, let's love each other cyber-ly

oooh, i like that song. i will blog it post haste. let's linky link!

check it on out: Planet Bex

It's no secret that she is my favorite Best Week Ever-er...not to mention the I Love the Everything shows. She also may have invented my new favorite word. I tend to hate the term 'fag-hag'...I have heard 'fruit fly', and 'homo-honey'. I think her 'Ho for the Mo' might be my favorite. I'm a homo...she's a moho.

Ricki-Liscious (Part I)

Here it is, as promised: The Ricki Lake extravaganza. After writing it up and having it lightly edited by a couple people it was decided that it should be split into sections. So, blogglers, I present Part I. (Along with the second song to be featured from tonedefsystems.)

In the fall of 2002, about six weeks after I moved in with Mollie, she told me that she had contacted the Ricki Lake show about an upcoming topic they were shooting. She had been accepted, so she and our friend James were going to be flown out to NYC to shoot “Gals Who Love Gays”. I thought that it was super-cool, and wasn’t so upset that she didn’t invite me. I mean, seriously, she had been friends with James for years. It was just exciting to know that someone I know…my roommate, no less…was going to be on a talk show. There was something so low class about it…I loved it.

The week before the show, (Friday night, I think) we were all hanging out at the local gay bar. There was a large group, maybe 30, of us that would always be hanging out together…in Lafayette for the week and Indianapolis for the weekend. The local bar was only 3 blocks from our apartment, so we tended to end up there a lot of nights. Mollie was drunk, and asked me if I would like to come along with them…to be on the show. It was short notice, but I knew I could juggle my schedule to make it work. I was SO excited. I could be white trash famous, too. The next day, Mollie called her producer and asked if it would be possible to fly me out, too. She producer thought it was a fantastic idea. (The more gays the better was her thinking.) So it was set. My TV debut was in the works. I got my schedule shuffled around ended up working my 40 hours in 3 days…Yes, I sure did work 13-14 hours a day so I could be on RL.

Mollie had some ulterior motives in her desire to be on the show. If she could somehow get them to let her sing on the show, it could really be a boon to her career. When the producer found out about Mollie’s talent and the fact that we had this huge group of friends that would drive to Indianapolis every weekend to go out, she made the decision to actually send a camera crew out to Indiana and make us a tape feature for the show. We spread the news and everyone was up for it.

So, it was set. Wednesday rolled around and I got home from work about 6:00. That gave me just enough time to shower and change clothes before the crew arrived at our apartment for filming. James had the great idea that we should have a couple cocktails before the camera showed up…to loosen us up, you know. Well, here in Indiana, a home-mixed cocktail is usually about 1/2 alcohol and 1/2 mixer..and usually comes in a 32 oz mug. And we had a couple of them. The camera crew and producer showed up and they were great…the producer, I think, even had a drink with us. When they started filming, they wanted some ‘interview moments’ with Mollie to intersperse between shots of us going out. James and I made our exit…but not before mixing a to-go cup of rum and coke.

We walked around downtown and ended up sitting on our stoop for about an hour before they let us back in the apt. This is where the fun really starts. They wanted to get a montage of us getting ready, forgetting that we were completely clothed and ready to walk out the door. They had us dance in the bathroom (to no music, because they couldn’t get the rights to anything quickly enough), take shots in the kitchen, and then help Mollie pick out what to wear. OK, by this point, all of us were completely buzzed and they wanted us to gay it up even more. Phrases like “Girl, you look fierce!”, “Love the shoes, lose the bag.”, and “Faaaaabulous” were thrown around like nobody’s business. Looking back…it’s embarrassing, and it only gets worse. We even had to pretend that we had already come home and were heading to bed after a big night out. Basically, this consisted of me in the hallway and Mollie in her bedroom saying goodnight to each other. The last shot they wanted was of us in the car, driving away…on our way to Indianapolis. (Completely forgetting they had just shot footage of us downing shots of vodka as if they were water.) We basically turned the corner and parked the car. It was more driving than any of us should have done.

After they had finished shooting, we grabbed our bags and headed to the van they had to drive us to Indy…but before we left we had to make more to-go cups for the ride. We made the hour-long drive to Indy and our first stop was the Slippery Noodle for Mollie’s open mic night. Usually the way it works is you show up and sign up with your name and what you do, then they call a random group to the stage…one or two guitars, one piano, one drum, and a vocalist most times. It can take HOURS unless you get there super early. Our producer had called ahead, though, and Mollie was the next to take the stage. What is most impressive, to me, about open mic nights that I have seen, is that the musicians don’t play a ‘song’, really…the vocalist kind of gives them an idea of the key they sing in and a beat to keep…and they just jam. It was pretty amazing.

After the blues bar we headed over to a gay bar called OP’s. They had closed the bar just for us considering the trouble that would be caused by trying to get everyone to sign releases or be blurred on tape. This is where it starts to get blurry. Between the producer buying us drinks and our friend Jeffrey buying us shots…everything is a little choppy. You have to remember this was a Wednesday night in Indy; the only people in the bar were the 25-30 of us that made the trip and the employees. After about an hour, the bartenders were joining in on the fun...and it started getting scandalous. I met one super cute bartender that I remember having some private time in the bathroom with. He had bought me a few drinks throughout the evening, and since we were the only people in the bar, there was a lot of empty space. He took me to a dance floor on the other side of the bar and started grinding on me and making out. There was a restroom nearby and when I excused myself to use it, he followed me in. I’ll spare you the details, but we both had a good time. Just as we were walking out, we saw there had been a camera crew following us the entire time…and they had, at least, audio of everything that had happened in the restroom. No one seemed to care…I certainly wasn’t the only one that got blown that night. People act a little crazy when you have a whole bar to yourselves.

So, we left the bar about 3:30 and we headed to IHOP for breakfast, and then to the airport. Keep in mind that, at this point, I have been awake for about 24 hours…and I am completely sloshed. When we got to the airport I headed straight for Starbucks. While I was gone, James had some sort of meltdown and said he wasn’t going. The producer tried her best to stop him, but he split. So, it was just me and Mollie at this point. Cue the drama.

And I will leave you with that for today...Part II to come tomorrow.

*****Click here for Part II

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Yes...There's Another One...

Image hosted by Photobucket.com I would like to send a drunken welcome to our newest Matt in the Tragic kingdom. Click on over to oh look who it is... to say a quick 'Hey Bitch' to our newest cutie, That Matt Guy.

He comes to us from Florida and his hobbies are knitting and chewing bubble gum. He wishes for world peace and likes kittens and rainbows. I have no idea. I DO know, though, that he is a fellow fan of Shirley Q. Liquor. That's enough for me.

Don't forget to stay tuned for the 3-part Ricki Lake series...the first installment is due in about an hour.

Yes, It's True...

I just got an e-mail from someone who must be watching While You Were Out, just like me. The episode I am watching is being filmed at DePaul University in Chicago. Chayse Dakota is the designer and she made an off-hand comment about spray paint being illegal in Chicago. Yes, it sure is...technically spray paint is illegal in the city. I have never seen spray paint for sale in Chicago. (However, it's just a short drive out of the 'city' to get some.) I don't know how they deal with possession, lol.

Oh, and also true: I have a total 7th grade crush on Evan Farmer. (Ever since his horrible MTV movie 2ge+her) And then there's the hair...I covet his hair. I do wish he would not sing, though.
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Saturday, August 13, 2005

Beer Run - B-Double E-Double R-U-N - Beer Run

So, it rolled around to 9:00 tonight and I had pretty much decided my finances were not permitting a night out. They would, however, permit a 6-pack of Rolling Rock. I took off for one of (the many) local liquor stores and I totally had a local celebrity run in. When I came out of the store, Kyle Bledsoe was standing beside an SUV singing Sunglasses at Night...all the way through, lol. I checked out his MySpace and evidently he has a show at Jerilee's tonight at 9:30. I don't mean to insinuate anything...but, well...he was drunk. I'm pretty sure. And he was smoking.

On another note...I have finished the Ricki Lake story, and it's been edited. Expect Part I on Monday. (It's in 3 parts to cut down on length.) I am spending the night in...with a movie and some snackies. Have a good night kiddies.


I've got a new song up for everyone...

This one come from my great friend Mollie's band tonedefsystems. They are an incredible local band here in Lafayette and she is their AWESOME vocalist. As you can tell, the song is from a live show...actually an entirely live album, 'Live at The Knickerbocker'. I will probably be featuring tonedefsystems again on MOTM...just because I play favorites like that.

Also, featuring Mollie has reminded me I promised to write up our Ricki Lake experience. I will work on that over the weekend...expect it by Monday.

Friday, August 12, 2005

By the Way...

I do hope you have all seen the Happy Tree Friends. (I secretly associate several of you with the Happy Tree Friends...I'll leave you to guess who's who.)
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My Afternoon, All Wrapped Up In A Biscuit

So, I headed to the mall for lunch with Hoodily Doodily. I was supposed to be there at 1:00...she was scheduled lunch for 1:15. Well, I thought ahead and left my house at about 12:00. Thank god I did...What usually is a 15 minute drive took over 30 minutes. Everyone on 52 decided that today would be a good day to voluntarily change the speed limit from 40 to 29. I finally got to the mall and picked up my paycheck. Luckily, my bank has a branch right across the street at a grocery store. I waited in line there for another 15 minutes. AND...while I was there, I decided to pick up some personal hygiene products. UGH! Why is staying clean so effing expensive. I spent $20 and all I got was body wash, face lotion, and conditioner. feh.

Anyway, I finally got back to the store and waited for Holly to be ready to go eat. She was in the middle of a sale that included a $110 boot...I was happy to wait. We finally got finished up and headed over to Pepe's for lunch. Yummy. I had the chicken quesadilla (as usual) and Holly had something covered in cheese...it was just called #5, so I don't know what she ate. (I hope she does.) After our post-lunch cigarette, I headed home. But not before stopping to spend $30 on gas. double feh. I got home, changed clothes...and promptly fell asleep - for 3 hours.

Oh, one more thing: Horror of horrors - J6 had a little piece about that Sir Mix-a-Lot(esque) Target commercial. He brought up a point I had not thought of. I could (theoretically) be the father of a 7 year old. I guess it could be older, but my imaginary baby was born after high school...at 18. Just the thought tires me. When my mother was my age, I was already 3. I could walk, read, write...I was a regular mini-person. I keep thinking that I want to have children....but I never think it all the way through for this exact reason. I have enough gray hair without some damn kid adding to it.

I've Been Hit! Go On Without Me...

ChipMatt has tagged me with a meme (Meme, MeMe...whatever the fuck it is called). Thanks Matt...you're super. :)

Anyway, here we go...

"List ten songs that you are currently digging ... it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're no good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the ten songs in your blog. Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to."
  1. Jessica Folker - To be Able to Love (JP Club Mix)
  2. Basement Jaxx - Get Me Off
  3. Kirsty Maccoll - In These Shoes
  4. Britney - Me Against The Music (Ralphi Rosario Extended Cut)
  5. Cabin Crew - Star to Fall
  6. Fall Out Boy - Dance, Dance
  7. Madonna - American Life (Peter Rauhofer Remix)
  8. Air - Sexy Boy
  9. Blur - Song 2 (Techno Remix)
  10. Charlotte - Skin (Junior Vasquez Club Mix)
Some of these, I know, are kind of old. I just loaded all my music into WMP and set it to shuffle...these are the first 10 songs I listened to all the way through. I am not one to be limited by convention, though...so here is a bonus list of 5:
  1. Happy Feet - Baz Luhrman (High Heels Mix)
  2. OKGO - You're So Damn Hot
  3. Pusaka - Worst Thing (Chris Cox/DJ Irene Club Anthem)
  4. Novaspace - Beds are Burning
  5. Benny Benassi - Summer Jam (Underdog Project)
So there's that. Now, who do I tag? Let's stick with the list form...
I picked these because I think I.Q., Pimpin', and GG will answer...I picked the other 2 because Chicken Salad needs something to write about and I know iThought does so love a meme. (And J6 and FB already got tagged) Have fun, kids...

My Morning, All Wrapped Up In A Burrito

I had to take my grandmother to the clinic this morning for an eye exam. I drove her because she had to have her eyes dilated and, while I've never had it done, I understand it can hurt like a bitch - not to mention, leave you partially sightless. She has slight cataracts on one or both or - I wasn't paying attention. So, she is scheduled for surgery in about 6 weeks...the first time my, her, and the Dr's schedules all line up for an hour.

I would like to congratulate Incognito Queer and Scotty on their brand new ClustrMaps. They were the first of you guys to jump for the 2 invitations. I don't know if I earn more or what...if I do, I will keep you guys posted. (They might have gotten free invites with theirs, too...so you could badger them, now.)

Pimpin' D is back from his Vegas vaycay...stop by an welcome him home. (Maybe he'll tell you dirty stories about that Cirque de SoGay boy he met...just kidding!)

Well, it's Friday and you know what that means...PAYDAY! Oh, thank god. I have been ABSOLUTELY broke since last saturday night...like I couldn't buy a PopTart if I tried. It's been sad. So I am heading out to the mall to pick up my paycheck and take Hoodily Doodily to lunch. We'll probably head to Pepe's for Mexican and I can drink while I am there...because I don't have to work till TUESDAY!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

For Want of a Soda, the Kingdom was Lost

OK, so you know how sometimes you want something SO bad you can taste it...but it's just not gonna happen? I have been watching TV for an hour and a half (I am so seldom home on Thursday nights that I haven't seen any of these shows in a while) and I have been wanting a soda that entire time. I have the car, the cash, the time...everything but the will to leave the house for something so insignificant as a soda.

What do you think I found in the back corner of the refridgerator when I went to get a glass of water? Half a bottle of Diet Pepsi.

See, sometimes god doesn't hate me.

Ugh, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth...

OK, so I made a couple little tweaks to the sidebar, including a new song. I did it all by myself...and I think I peed a little when it actually worked. OK, I won't lie...I did pee, but just a little. California Dreaming is dedicated to all my CA blog-buddies. (By the way, me finding out how to do this on my own does not bode well. Song of the Week may have worked when someone else was hosting my files and I was wholly dependant on them for working it. This could become Song of the WAIT, I Just Found This Great New Song...OOOH, Here's Another. I'll try to restrain myself...but I promise nothing.

I use Firefox as my web browser, as should you, but I know some of you (65% UGH) still use Internet Explorer. Knowing this I took a look at my page as you see it...No, it's not the same.

When you load my page in IE you see:
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BUT, when you load it in Firefox you get this:
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Everything is lined up the way it is supposed to be. It is supposed to be centered on the page, not spread from side to side. I am sorry for all of you on IE, but I don't know how to fix it...

SO, I will leave you with this link. Go ahead and click there, download FireFox and help me sleep at night by knowing that my page is looking as pretty as it should.

Frickin' Idiot! [sigh]

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Word is there might be a Napoleon Dynamite sequel. I count myself among the high end dork-quotient when it comes to this movie...I love it. I own, I watch it, I love it. (Well, I used to watch it...now it lives at Lynn's house.) I am not sure, though, if there is a sequel to be had out of it. The first movie was a surprise success...Usually, that is not able to be copied. I fear that would be the case with this.

Anyone seen Bring It On Again? See?

What a Wonderful World.

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The Chicago Tribune is on the prowl for the 7 Wonders of Chicago. You can e-mail suggestions to chicagowonders@tribune.com and the nominees will be unveiled over the next month. Nominations are being accepted through next Tuesday and the only rules are that it can not be a person, it must be in the Chicagoland area, and it must currently exist.

(I hope the El makes it.)

You call yourself a Christian, I call you a hypocrite - You call yourself a patriot, well I think you're full of ...

So, the Rolling Stones have a new album coming out. It will be their first in, I think, 8 years. One song, in particular, is causing quite a stir. A Bigger Bang is the name of the album, and Sweet Neo-Con is the song causing all the uproar.
It's liberty for all, democracy's our style/Unless you are against us, then it's prison without trial.

That is just one line in the song that is undeniably critical of the Bush administration. While Bush is never mentioned by name in the song, it is easy to find the connection. Mick Jagger was quoted as saying, "It is certainly very critical of certain policies of the [Bush] administration, but so what! Lots of people are critical." He also shared that guitarist Keith Richards, who lives in the U.S., is more worried about the backlash than Jagger, who resides in the U.K.

I, for one, applaud their effort. Just this morning I was reading an article from Bex Schwartz, Sound those Chimes of Freedom. It's three years old, but expresses some thoughts I agree with so well that I had to link it. To sum it up in a sentence: Where are the protest songs for today?


WOOHOO! First day of vacation. I don't have to work again until Tuesday morning.

I haven't really had anything to write about, but I have been keeping up with all my little blogglers out there. My sleep schedule has been all fucked up for about a week. Usually, I sleep about 5-6 hours a night. I wrote on Tuesday morning that I only slept for about 45 minutes that night. When I got home from work on Tuesday, though, it was all I could do to stay awake through dinner. I was asleep by 8:00 and slept through almost the entire night until 8:00 Wednesday morning. Same story last night, I got home from work and slept through until this morning, save for an hour around 1:00 that I randomly was wide awake...and then more sleep.

I don't really have any plans for my time off. Today I have to give Bella a bath, mow the lawn, and plant a bush. I'll give you a moment to calm down from the overwhelming excitement. I have spent this morning with my favorite morning ladies, Kelly and Ellen. I am a little tired of the summer reruns now. I only get to watch Ellen about once a week...and this one is a rerun. (Not that I am complaining. Her guests are Kate Winslet and Chad Michael Murray.)

By the way, for me there are few things that I like better for breakfast than an english muffin with strawberry jam. That was probably extraneous information, but you never know when I'll drop in for breakfast, lol.

OOH, we got a new blog toy today! On the left, under the counter you should see a map. It will start showing us not only how many people visit, but where they're from, too. I have been coveting maps like this for a while...and I finally found one at Clustr Maps. It's a beta service right now and you are supposed to be invited...but I didn't know anyone to invite me. So, I wrote a pleading letter to their sales department and they were kind enough to let me in. As part of the deal I can invite 2 other people to the service. I will just do this as a first come, first served kinda thing. You can e-mail me at tragicdemise@gmail.com (with the e-mail address you want me to respond to) and I will announce the winners tomorrow. (OK, I totally lied about the first come, first served thing...I will probably pick the first 2 people that I like, lol. It makes it a little more fair, I think.)

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Sleepless in Flannel

Flannel04, my sister in insomnia, had a good, if too late, idea. She commented on my last post about not being able to sleep last night...why not take a look at the shirtless boys on her blog? Works for me. Doesn't make me any less tired...but I feel a little better about being tired, lol.

Return to Flight...Return to Earth...

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They made it back...all in one peice. I couldn't sleep all night last night. Not because of this, but just general nerves, I think. The shuttle was scheduled to land in CA at 7:12 my time (EST) and I was awake until I saw the countdown reach 6 minutes and some odd seconds. Then I woke up at 7:45...so I slept for about 40 minutes, and now I have had breakfast (Smart Start...yumm) and have to go to work...

Talk tonight...

Candy Shop

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TomKat is super old news by now, but I love this...and I love that I found out (accidently) how to do a screen cap of it...

Monday, August 08, 2005

Exhausting Day

Yesterday was Pam's funeral. It had been planned for her local Methodist church, but it soon became apparent that there would not be enough room. Luckily, our friend Sandy offered her church. Congress St. United Methodist Church happens to be one of the largest churches in the city. Boy, did we need it. I got to the church just before 1:30 and had to park 3 blocks away. I walked in and finally found a seat, one of the only remaining that I could see. I thought I was going to be OK...then I realized that a Sarah McLachlan song was playing. 'Angel' had been the song I dedicated to my mother at her funeral all those years ago. Now, at another mother's funeral, I hear it again. I was seated just in front of a row of ladies from the health center and as soon as the song started they all reached up to grab my shoulder, rub my arm...throw Kleenex at me.

The service was very nice...about halfway through I looked behind me and noticed that people were lining the walls of the main room. Looking beyond them, I saw people standing in the lobby. It wasn't until later that I learned that people were even standing outside, just wishing to be there to offer condolences. Pam's brother died of leukemia 10 years ago...Pam had written several pieces in his memory, and they were very fitting to be used at ther memorial, also. I saw, in 5 hours yesterday, almost every one I have ever worked with...all there to remember Pam. I saw old teachers, old neighbors, old friends...all there to honor her memory.

After the church service, people gathered all over the church grounds to greet each other and talk, remembering Pam and rekindling friendships. Lunch plans were made, dinners arranged, hugs exchanged, tears blotted... We finally gathered for the ride to the cemetery. Unfortunately, we couldn't have a police escort or a traditional procession because it was such a long ride to the cemetery. Surprisingly, though, when we started driving, everyone in line turned on their headlights and hazard flashers. The entire way, people driving towards us would turn on their headlights or pull to the side of the road while we passed.

We finally arrived at the cemetery and Pam's sister had planned a balloon release. It was a very nice sentiment and truly touching. While Pam was cremated, her cremains were still buried. Her final resting place is on a hill, overlooking a beautiful apple orchard. It really is a wonderful view and a very serene location.

After the graveside service, there was a fellowship dinner planned at Pam's own, smaller, church near her home. The ladies of the church had been so kind and made an entire dinner buffet for us. They were there all afternoon cooking and getting things set up. It really was very nice. It was also nice to sit around with friends and laugh and tell stories.

The absolute high point of the meal was Cherie telling us about her father trying to do some yardwork. Her father is extremely old and usually has a girl down the street halp him with his around the house chores. Well, it's no secret to anyone that she is a lesbian. When Cherie asked him why he was doing this, and didn't have his neighbor do it, he yelled back, "Damn dyke didn't call me back!" It probably sounds horrible, but knowing Cherie's father...it is hilarious. Even more hilarious is Cherie's response, "You know, dad, lesbians aren't the only ones that can take care of a bush!" We busted out laughing...loudly...and every head in the room turned toward us...We couldn't stop laughing and my friend Billie just kept squealing, "take care of a bush!" Soon, the story had spread and everyone was laughing...it really helped lighten the mood. About 5 minutes later, my friend Trisha leaned over to me and says, "Oh my god...I just got it." There goes another whole round of laughter...too funny.

After dinner, I headed home, took a LorTab, and headed to bed. I was EXHAUSTED from the day and still couldn't sleep...I was up till almost 3:00 this morning...and didn't wake up till noon...the longest I have slept in weeks.

Thanks for hanging in there with me over the past week or so...I think it's finally on an upswing...

I am back!

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Just when I thought...

the worst had passed...

I woke up this morning to another e-mail. (I am really starting to dread reading my mail.) One of my friends wrote to tell me that our friend that lives in FL was found Thursday morning in his swimming pool...he had drowned sometime overnight. The night before he had dinner with some friends and, although they had a couple bottles of wine, he wasn't drunk.

I have definitely reached a point where I am not reacting anymore. I took the news as if he had told me that we were out of salt. I know I am in avoidance right now...it'll all hit me soon, i think.

I have 7 days off in the next week and a half...I think it is going to be needed.

Sorry to drop this all on here...I know it hasn't been a very entertaining read lately. Don't worry, I'll buck up and get something good together for you soon.

You Know What? Fuck It!!!

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Who says this is even worth it? the living, the being, the suffering...

I ran into my friend Abbie tonight at the Knickerbocker...and she had a valid point. If, even at her worst, this ridded Pam of her suffering...isn't it worth it? Who are we to judge what is right for another person? Having said that...I am PISSED at her. I have been there, and I thought of my "family".

I lost my mother at 18. I have made a family of my friends. I include some of my readers/friends in that group. Incognito mentioned it before...but I do count some of you among my friends. I hate to list certain people and not others...but I would like to thank a few special people that have gone out of their way in my time of need. (These are just a few...but the ones I feel I need to thank especially:)
  • Aaron
  • Ethan
  • Adam
  • Jake
  • Ami
  • Matt
  • Joe
  • J6
  • Fb
  • Jason
  • Kristin
  • Scotty
I know this might not be all of you...SO MANY people have commented, e-mailed, and IMed their condolences that I have not been able to keep track. I am sorry if I omitted you, I certainly didn't mean to...I am dealing with a lot, and have been on a short fuse lately.

Fear not, gentle reader...I will not succumb to the same...I have to much to live for and very little to die for.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Pamela Driscoll-Eiler

Image hosted by Photobucket.comI just got this pic in my e-mail from Cherie. I'm not sure how old it is...but it looks fairly recent. I had realized on Wednesday that I didn't have any pics of Pam. She looks happy in that picture...and I guess that makes me feel good. This was taken on the lawn next to the Purdue University Health Center...I remember those picnic tables well. In the background in Lambert FieldHouse.

Last night I watched Urban Legend: Bloody Mary after I finished Prozac Nation. Let me just say that it's probably not a good sign when you fall asleep during a horror movie. I'll try again tonight to finish it. I am off to work now...1:00-10:00. I am NOT looking forward to it.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Prozac Nation

OK...I am only 5 minutes in to Prozac Nation and I have already seen Christina Ricci's tits. (That phrase will be a Google dream, lol) Reminds me of a joke.
  • What did the ghost say to the bees?
  • BOO! Bees.
Get it? Funny, right?

OK...back to the movie.

~~~OK, so a movie about depression and suicide seems like it would be just about the worst choice for me right now. On the contrary, it is exactly what I needed. You know how sometimes when you are down, in a bad mood, you listen to depressing/angry music...and it makes you feel better? Somehow, just hearing or seeing what you are thinking makes it all make sense. Maybe you're not so crazy, after all. Someone else, whether you know them or not (usually not), has felt the same thing. I know I said I was going to go downtown to one of the centers on Tuesday. Well, things came up on Tuesday...and I was broke. I don't want to walk in (regardless of sliding fee scales) and offer them $10. I am going next week...Monday, I think.

(I have been thinking a lot lately about the prospect of going back on meds. When I was on them, I hated that I had lost my highs and lows. Now, there are no highs...a medium would be welcome. God, how passe I am I? Another fag on anti-depressants. Oh well...These are the gays of our lives.)

There is a moment in the movie when Christina Ricci's character refers to something Hemingway once said.
Asked how people go bankrupt, Hemingway said, "Two ways: gradually, then suddenly."
And she likens it to depression. I have never thought of it that way. It sneaks up on you, and yet it bursts upon you in a morbid explosion of bleakness. Some days you wake up afraid you are going to die...but the worst are the days you wake up afraid you are going to live.

I am not going to be afraid to live.

A Balanced Evening

I got called in to work this morning at 9:20. So, instead of accomplishing some things before I was supposed to be at work at 12:45, I rushed around the house to get to work by 10:00. So tonight, instead of working, I am at home...but still not accomplishing anything. I stopped on the way home to rent Urban Legends: Bloody Mary, Prozac Nation, and Particles of Truth...along with a sixer of Rolling Rock. Sometimes you need a bad horror movie, a (supposedly) good Christina Ricci movie, and a movie with a QAF actor to make your night. (And 6 extra pale ales don't hurt.)

I'll be sure to let you all know how they were...anyone else seen them? Would love your thoughts, too.

What to Say?

First of all, I need to thank everyone for all the comments, e-mails, and IMs expressing your sympathy and caring. This is a hard time for me, made only more difficult by the realization that it was not an accident.

Pam was driven to suicide...and an extraordinary one at that. It has been concluded that after she left her car, she walked down the train tracks...and then laid down...and waited. That imagery has not left my mind all day...imagining what might go through a person's mind while watching a train come crashing down upon them. Did she think about her family, her children, friends, colleagues...did she think about me? How did she not think about how her children would feel?

It is said that suicide is a selfish act. I never knew the truth in that until someone so close to me succumbed to it. She got a way out, and now we deal with the aftermath. It is us, her family and friends, that are left picking up the pieces...trying to put together what happened.

Her memory is tainted, slightly, for me now. No longer will she be 'my friend Pam' - she is now 'my friend Pam that committed suicide'. Her death now not only brings feelings of sadness, but anger as well. It angers me that she didn't seek help. It angers me that when she was at home that night and said she was going to hurt herself her husband did not call authorities for assistance. It angers me that there were WITNESSES that saw her lay down on the tracks. Who, in the their right mind, sees a woman lay herself across a railroad track and does NOTHING? It angers me that she didn't value herself enough to understand how we would react. It angers me that she didn't value us enough to avoid putting us through this.

That said, I know how she felt. I attempted suicide once during the summer of 1999, about 6 months after my mother died. After swallowing handfuls of pills and laying down in bed, I began to think of all my great friends and how I would feel if they did the same to me. It was those thoughts that sent me to the bathroom to rid myself of the medicines and pills I had injested. It was a long time before I told anyone what had happened...most still don't know. I know, though, that for those of us that suffer from depression, the nights are often the hardest times. You seem more isolated, more alone, more depressed in the middle of the night. As my friend Ami said yesterday, "The demons seem more real in the night".

Her funeral will be this Sunday at the same church she was married in just months ago. I dread seeing her children. They know of the special relationship I shared with their mother, while we have never been that close. I will be going with Cherie...my only mom left...and we will, no doubt, be a blubbering mess throughout the affair.

Thanks again, guys...your heartfelt words have really been nice to hear. I heart you all super a lot...

Wednesday, August 03, 2005


OK, i have had a few hours to adjust to the idea of losing one of my best friends. What I will not be able to adjust to is what, it seems, happened.

I've told you before that part of my morning routine is to watch the first few minutes of the local news. This gets me the newest news from overnight without having to sit through the weather and sports. This morning I heard about another person being hit by a train in the area. This has become a rarity since the city moved all railroad tracks into a corridor running along the river. In the county, though, tracks still cross roads at street level, some without lights or crossbars of any type. Yesterday there was a report of a man (I believe homeless) that was wandering across the train corridor when he was hit by a locomotive. This morning, I heard another report...very similar. A woman was found laying near the tracks close to a small town called Colburn at about 2:00 am. This is where it slams home.

When I was a senior in high school, I started working in the Business Office at the Purdue University Health Center (PUSH). My mother worked there in another department and we tended to have the same friends. Two of the women I worked with were Cherie and Pam. We got along great...although we were a bit mis-matched as friends. I was the 17-18-19 year old gay boy, Pam and Cherie were both in their late 30's. (Just a couple years younger than my mother.) Pam was once-divorced with 4 children and Cherie was never married, although she had lived with LC since she was 19 - almost 20 years. They were friends with my mother, too...and when my mom died in 1999, they stepped in as surrogates...becoming Mom #2 and Mom #3. (Whichever one I was talking to was #2...sneaky, lol) They kept me on the (kinda) straight and (sort of) narrow...keeping me out of trouble, offering a shoulder to lean on, an extra place at the table, or a bed when I might need it. We became more than friends, we were family.

Through the years, after I left the health center and went on to work retail, I would still stop over about once a month for lunch with my PUSH girls. People came and went, but Pam and Cherie were always there. We would head to one of the hotels in town for a nice lunch (and maybe a drink). We were always close, heading out for a movie, shopping, drinks, roadtrip...everything. Pam and Cherie really were my mothers...better than I expected after losing my own. I've known them since I was 10...and they had lost their best friend when I lost my mom. They knew how I was feeling at the time...Cherie, especially, because she lost her mom at the same age under similar circumstances of cancer. Pam and I shared the problem of depression and we often acted as a safety net for each other, noticing when things were a little too out of balance.

Now, 6 1/2 years later, we don't see each other as much as we used to...but when I got the invitation to Pam's wedding a few months ago, I cleared my schedule for the evening. (I knew this would not be an early-ending evening, lol) I missed there ceremony, but joined them just as the reception was starting and the kegs were flowing. It was a great night with lots of laughing and lots of tears. Pam and my mother were so similar...Pam, too, had seemingly found happiness with her second marriage. They made a great couple and a huge family. When it came time for everyone to do their dances with the bride and groom, Pam invited me to take a turn. I went to the DJ and asked him to play James Taylor's "You've Got a Friend" when our dance began. When Pam recognized the song she held me at arm's length and, with tears in her eyes, said, "Thanks, Matty...You've always got a friend in me." That was the last time I saw her.

Cherie called me at work today at noon. There were only four words that made it to my ears before I heard her tears, "Matt, there's bad news." She told me Pam had been in an accident...she didn't know the details, but they found her by the side of the road. I couldn't talk because I was on the selling floor and Cherie was busy, too...I told her I would call her when I got home. I went to our HR manager and told her what happened, and that I was leaving when Holly got in for the day. I got home around 2:00 and called Cherie. She started telling me the details. Evidently, she and her husband had been having a few problems...nothing big, but some disagreements. They had taken the weekend to get away to Wisconsin...work things out. She was supposed to be back at work Monday morning. Well, Monday came and went with no word from Pam. Tuesday was the same story. Someone finally got her on the phone last night and she said she was sorry, but had needed some time to work on some personal problems. Unfortunately, no one knew she had run out of her meds...and didn't have money to get her scrip filled. She had fallen into a depression that no one could help her with because none of us knew.

Her car had been wrecked, but not badly enough to have seriously injured someone. The locomotive operator said he saw a woman walking up the tracks, and did not move when he sounded the horn. 911 operators responded to a call and found her around 2:00 this morning. It feels like I've lost my mother all over again. It hurts just as bad as I remember...and there's no right way to feel, just like then.

(Thank you all for the nice words everyone has already sent my way. I, unlike Pam, know when to talk about things...and I certainly do.)

I'll Talk About This Later....

One of my best friends in the entire world, Pam, died early this morning. I can't really talk about it right now. I will leave you with the scant details provided by the local television station.

Woman's Body Found After Being Hit by Train - WLFI TV18

One person is dead after being hit by a train in northeastern Tippecanoe County. Investigators got the call around 2:00 a.m. on the railroad tracks near Colburn. Tippecanoe County Sheriff's Detective Steve Kohne says a woman was found dead near the tracks around 1000 East and 700 North.

Kohne says it's too early in the investigation for police to know the circumstances surrounding the woman's death and her name is not being released at this time. This is the second person killed this week after being hit by a train.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Thank You, Pimpin'!

Over the past week or so, I have been pestering Pimpin' to help me with this page. Pimpin' has come through every time. Last night I kept him up past his bedtime because I was bored...just chatting. Tonight, though, he is my hero. Pimpin' helped me add the superduperdoublepluskickradawesome Media Player in the sidebar. (As soon as I can figure out how, I will stop it from playing when the page loads.) As I was going through all of my music files, I was talking to a friend that brought up the idea of a Song of the Week. I thought it was a great idea, and Pimpin' was there to help.

We have worked out a payment plan that will be mutually enjoyable should we ever meet...I am greatly indebted to him. (Should be fun.)

Chat With Chip aka Chip Chat aka His Name is Actually Matt, Not Chip at All.

After my last post, I got an e-mail with this link to some Bush jokes...some are funny...some are not. Some are actually pretty mean. (Wait...wha? Did I just say that? whoa.) Here is my favorite.


Who's there?

Under the Patriot Act, we don't have to tell you that.

McSweeney's Internet Tendency

A Word About Recess

Not really...it's hardly as fun as recess.

Bush's "Recess Appointment" of John Bolton as Ambassador to the United Nations is so low-ball, behind-the-back....ugh, i can't think of other bad things to say.

You know how when you were kids and you wanted to play a game or watch a movie, but you knew one of your friends wouldn't choose the same as you? OK, maybe just us...I remember when we were younger, my sister never wanted to do the same things as the rest of us. What did we do? Well, being the democratic family that we were, we would take a vote...unfortunately, our parents instituted a 'unanimous' clause in our voting. There were four of us, but a simple majority would not cut it...we had to all agree on something to do. So, we would wait till our sister left the room and then we would vote...

Smells a lot like what Bush has done with his UN ambassador nominee. I should be forgiving. I mean, we did the same, right? Well - I was 10...and not the President of anything.

Mr. Bush, I will tell you the same thing our parents told us. "That's cheating...try again."

Since I'm Already Up...

If you're a desktop/wallpaper whore like me you will love this site. I tend to change my wallpaper at least once a week...I am always on the lookout for something new and cool. Then I discovered veer.com. They have a GREAT selection of wallpapers. The only problem is figuring out which one(s) you like. Here are a few of my current favorites:

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(For some reason, PhotoBucket is insisting on making them square pics...hence the white bar at the top of each. If I weren't so tired, I would try to figure it out...but I don't care.)

They are always adding new ones, so check back often.

On another note...I rediscovered one of the best dance songs I have ever heard. If you get a chance download (or buy) 'No Sex' by Benny Benassi. It's just about the most sexually charged songs I have ever heard and I can still remember what it's like to be on the floor at Charlie's when it plays.

Firefox Woes

I know a few (30%...not enough) of you use Firefox so I will throw this out there to find help or words of encouragement. Explorer users...cover your ears...you'll just be jealous.

OK, so you know how you can open and close tabs using the middle scroll wheel on your mouse? well, in the past couple days, whenever i hit the scroll wheel to do that it either opens or closes 2-3 tabs. Like, I will click it and 2-3 will open and then I will click one of those and they will ALL close. This has happened once before...but went away. Has this ever happened to any of you?

Another thing: I DLed a smooth-scroll extension for, well, smoother scrolling. I find, though, that often when I scroll my button down it actually scrolls the page up...or won't move it at all, really...just up and down a few lines, like it's bumping into something. (I know that sounds stupid, but it really is what it seems like.) Anyone on that one?

Just thought I would ask...thanks.

Artist's Rendering

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It's been a regular party at my house tonight. I was looking through my computer, trying to clean things up a little bit and I thought I would listen to some music. I have a lot of music, so I rarely pick particular songs to listen to...I just open WMP and hit Play All Music. Tonight, though, when I did that, something struck me as odd. Down at the bottom of the playlist it gives you an estimated time for the list. Imagine my shock/horror/surprise when I saw it said 155 hours. Yes, that's right...ONE HUNDRED FIFTY FIVE HOURS...of music. That means I could listen to just the music I already own and it would take me 6 1/2 DAYS without interruption to hear every file.

Now, I say every file, not every song...let me clear things up. I tend to have a couple (three) versions of almost every song. You know, I have the original released version...but then Peter Pauhofer did such a better job, so I have that mix...and then Ralphi Rosario got ahold of it and it's KILLER now...so I have that version. It gets to be too much, evidently, after a while. It's the subtle differences in each one that make them special. There are certain songs that I can identify by just one burst of noise...artist, title, dj, and (sometimes) the club I first heard it at. They all sound the same to other people, but one oomsa-oomsa-oomsa-crash is completely different from another oomsa-crash-oomsa-oomsa. (I can hear those sounds in my head...Ami knows what oomsa sounds like...)

So, I set about (please forgive me) deleting songs. The only way to do this, of course, was to set everything up in a playlist and listen to them all individually. (After I got rid of the obvious garbage...just stuff that I have't listened to in forever.) Well, you will be happy to know (or not) that I managed to get my 155 hours of music down to a reasonable 56 hours. Yes...I deleted 99 hours worth of music and now I can only listen to music continually for 2 1/3 days.

Oh, and apologies to everyone...a lot of you...that IMed me tonight and missed me. Remember I told you about the pizza? It was horrible, by the way. Well, Matty McMattMatt is a little lactose intolerant. It's not usually a problem, but Matty chased those 2 slices of pizza with a cream cheese brownie and a tall glass of milk. It was all Matty could do not to throw up. So, I laid down and ended up falling asleep...missing all you lovely folks that wanted to chat. SORRY!