Ricki-Tacular (Part II)

Here we go, kids...Part II of the Ricki Lake story. Thanks for your comments and e-mails about Part I.

So, it was just me and Mollie at this point. Cue the drama.

Mollie decided that if James wasn’t going she didn’t want to either. This was beginning to sober me up a little. The producer pulled me aside and told me I had to get control of the situation. The situation, I informed her, was her problem…not mine. I was ready to go…and told her that. Unfortunately, I would not make much of a show on my own. (I take that back…I would make a great show) After much talking, I still couldn’t make Mollie change her mind. We missed our flight, and our producer was PISSED! She made it very clear to me how much money was being spent on us…and we HAD signed contracts. All of the tickets that were purchased for us were non-refundable, of course, because of the late notice. (Not to mention the cost of the film crew, etc.) I finally convinced Mollie that we should go…If nothing else it was a free trip to NYC. As we’re trying to board, we realize that Mollie has lost her wallet. She has NO I.D…NO money, NO anything.

We got ahold of the club manager from OP's...he actually called employees back help look..he's a sweetie, but they didn't find it. We called IHOP...no luck there, either. The only place we couldn't get ahold of was the Slippery Noodle, so we assumed it had been left there. Somehow our producer got the Ricki Lake Gods to wrangle our way through security with nothing more than a name and promise for Mollie. I still don’t know how we were allowed to board…especially being only 1 year after 9/11. (It's a little disturbing, actually, when you think about it.)

Our first flight was from Indianapolis to Chicago. When we got to Chicago we had already missed our first connection. (At this point, 8 non-refundable tickets have been wasted.) While our producer was buying us more (non-refundable) tickets, Mollie snuck off and called her parents collect. She wanted them to come get her. They were on the phone for about an hour. Guess what…we missed our next flight. (ticket count: 11) Mollie’s parents finally flatly refused to drive to Chicago to get us, and I had no one I could call. (I hadn’t told anyone but my friends what I was doing…my family STILL thinks I was in Saint Louis that weekend.) We FINALLY got on a flight (again with no ID!) to Newark.

When we landed in Newark it Thursdayafternoon, and there was a limo waiting for us…fancy schmancy. I was too tired to care, I had been awake since 5:00 on Wednesday. The car drove us into the city and we had to stop at the studio to pick up another producer. He greeted us and gave us our per diem…only 50 bucks, the cheapskates. Before we headed to the hotel, they took us to some random electronics shop where they will make you an ID from any state. It was so sketchy and unnecessary…but, they paid the $45 for it. The thing looked like the worst fake ID I have ever seen and wouldn’t be accepted anywhere, but they thought it was needed. So, Mollie had an ‘ID’ now…with the worst picture I have ever seen anyone take. She was tired, her hair was horrible, makeup smeared, and it was raining, lol.

After finally arriving at our hotel, we ventured out for dinner. We thought we should experience NYC the right way…so we headed straight for Popeye’s near Times Square. (I know, you're jealous, right?) After dinner, we returned for a nap and then were going to head out on the town. (Unfortunately, we slept right through till Friday morning, wasting our entire first day in NYC.)

Friday was taping day. We were picked up in a van with some of the other guests on our show and taken to the studio. At the studio we were herded into separate rooms. No one was in the same room as who we would appear with. This was so they could try to rile up some controversy. It soon became obvious that Mollie and I were a little out of our element. The other guests on the show shared the story line of ‘straight girl in love with gay male friend’. Mollie and I just happened to be a straight girl and a gay boy that got along well and enjoyed partying together…there were no romantic undertones. Mollie and I would drink together, party together, live together, but sleep separately. The producers were a little disappointed in our vanilla story…but I was somewhat proud of our well-adjusted friendship.

We weren’t the only ones that weren’t actually in a love triangle. (I guess triangle might not be the right word there, but I'm leaving it.) I shared my dressing room with a cutie from Colorado named Landon. Over lunch (a deli-tray - to continue our high class eats) he spilled that the 2 girls he was here with were not actually a girl in love with him and her best friend. They were two of his classmates from a drama class. They had only known each other for 3-4 weeks. Turns out the story was true - kinda, but he couldn't get the girl to agree to come on the show. Landon and I had plenty of time to get to know each other…we were there for 3 hours before taping started. Ricki was late…Very late. When we finally received word that she was in the building, they made us get in our rooms and close the doors, lest we witness the Glory of the Ricki. Landon and I said screw it and left our room to roam the halls, trying to find Ricki’s dressing room. We never did, but we had fun exploring the building. The producers were, by this point, really losing patience in all of us...threatening to cancel the show. I knew, from personal experience, that they had already spent enough money that they couldn't afford to cancel, so Landon and I continued our antics.

The taping, itself, was fairly boring. We weren’t allowed to watch the people taping before us, so it seemed to take forever. Mollie and I knew that our segment was right in the middle of the show, so we didn’t have to wait too long. I entered the through the elevator (ROCK!) and Mollie came down the stairs. We talked about our friendship and Ricki threw to the taped piece. (We were horrified about this because cameras had followed us ALL night…and caught ALL the dirt. They have footage of people getting it on the bathroom, puking on the sidewalk, taking shots, chugging beers, passing out…the whole bit – and they wouldn’t show us what they were going to air before hand.) Mollie and I breathed a collective sigh of relief when they showed a quick-cut montage of only the fun, awesome parts of the evening…mostly focusing on Mollie’s performance from the Slippery Noodle and the group of us rocking the dance floor at OP’s. The most dramatic part of our segment was when Mollie admitted that, yes, she was looking for a boyfriend…and she knew she wasn't goint to find him hanging out with us. But, she never confused the fun she had with us as something that would find her true love.

After our segment, they sat us in the front row along with everyone else that had already taped. We paid absolutely no more attention to the rest of the show. Landon and I sat there making fun of all the gay guys in the audience…and rating them on a 1-10 scale of hotness. During the commercial breaks, Ricki would run off stage to who-knows-where and a rather un-funny comedian would come out to tell jokes and give away t-shirts. In between rating the gays in the audience, Landon and I would bond over Cry Baby, a John Waters movie in which Ricki had played Pepper Walker. Her most memorable line is ‘The first thing a Cry-Baby girl learns is our bosoms are our weapons’ while shaking her ample chest. Landon and I decided that if she came near us after taping we would recreate that scene to the best of our ability. Each group came out and did their thing...scandal, blah blah blah...it got old really quick. After taping, though, Landon and I finally got our chance.

I'll leave it there for today. Only one more part to go. OMG, can you hardly stand it! lol. Tune in tomorrow for the conclusion of the Ricki Lake extravaganza.....

*****Click here for Part III