White DE version 2

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Well, We Always Knew He Was A Big HomoGay

I got this in my e-mail this morning while I was getting ready for work. I was late for work. Somehow uncontrollable laughter and horror is not a valid excuse. :( ENJOY!

I am rapidly approaching the realization that we are in the period of time that we at work call 'Draw Hell'. Here's how it works. I sell shoes. I make 9% of my total shoe sales. Sounds great, but it's not quite that easy. We also have a safeguard called 'Draw'. This guarantees that we make a certain wage. For us that wage is $6.50/hour. (I know - a fortune, right?) To make our Draw Wage we have to equal that in our sales. In an average week, I work 38.5 hours. So, to figure out what my Draw Sales are I take (38.5 hours) x ($6.50/hour) / (9%) = $2,780. That means that if I sell less than $2,780 in any given week, I will still get a check for $6.50/hour. Here's the catch...I still have to make those sales. Whether it be the next week or the week after I am still responsible for the money I 'borrowed' on my paycheck. The problem is that when we get in draw, it is usually because sales are crappy - and will be that way for a few weeks. so, your Draw keeps increasing. Each week after you enter Draw, you have to make the same goal, PLUS make up for whatever you missed your goal by the week before. Luckily, I am not in Draw yet...but the way this week is going, I am about to be swimming in it.

In other sort of work related news, my old store, SteinMart, is closing their Lafayette location. I got a call from a manager I worked with when I was there on Tuesday and she gave me all the dirt. Unfortunately, it's all not-public-knowledge dirt and I can't pass on all the juicy bits to you. I, for one, am really going to miss SteinMart in Lafayette. They sell better brands than most stores in the area (my current store included) and at better prices. They are famous for their home decor and linens departments and have revived collections and brands from the past such as Peck & Peck and introduced their own luxury brand (Boutique) in accessories, gifts, and linens. I love walking into a store and knowing that every price I see is at least 20% off of the MSRP and most items are offered at MUCH deeper discounts. You will be missed, my old Jewish friend.

Our days as L.S. Ayres are numbered...more and more each week we are recieving things with the Macy's logo on them and being referred to as a Macy's. Customers and associates alike are being taken a little bit by surprise with all the changes. While the name change is not official until this October, changes are being implemented soon and fast. Already we are noticing one big change. Macy's does not allow us to keep extra copies of paper coupons in the store. In the past, we could call a manager and have them deliver a coupon to a customer if necessary...now, the customer has to bring it in themselves, or use their house account to recieve discounts. People are not happy. Hopefully things will transition better as we get closer to the name change...

The only plus I see so far is being able to use my Ayres charge at Macy's stores starting on Sunday...but I will have a Macy's card soon enough, so it's really not that exciting. I have this recurring dream lately...One morning at our morning rally they pass out our Macy's nameplates and I quit. Right there on the spot and I have this whole speil (sp?) about not working for the devil, lol. My feelings are not quite so strong, but... There is a new department store opening a couple miles away from the mall I work in, though...might be time to check out my options (i.e. Run the fuck away from Macy's.)

Here's another gripe I have (since that seems to be all I can think of today). To the left, you see a map of Tippecanoe Mall where I work. I am WAY down on the right end (where it says L.S. Ayres) and our Food Court is WAY down at the other end. See that hallway between the H and I sections of the mall? That is where the food court is. (It's not a large food court, just Applebee's, Panera, Panda Express, and Cinnabon.) There are a few other places to get food in the mall...BUT, I am addicted to Panera. The problem is that from our door to the door at JC Penney is exactly 1/2 a mile. That means that if I want Panera Bread for lunch, I have a 3/4 mile round trip walk... Nothing can be done to change it...but it sucks and I wanted to say so.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Wasted Lives




Remember me?

I'm the guy that used to spew every useless thought he had onto this page.

I'm also the guy that kinda got bitten in the ass for it.

I was recently contacted by a not-so-friendly-breakup ex. He said he came across TragicDemise when he googled his name. (Unlikely, as I have never mentioned him or his name on this blog...) He challenged the things I have written here...the person I claim to be...the honesty I claim to express in what I put here. I basically quit writing. Well, I wrote - deleted - wrote - deleted...I thought about giving up the blog altogether.

But, I won't.

I am not sure how (or if) I should respond to what he said. This page will, as always, be a place for me to keep memories and items that I would like to remember - a place for me to express myself - a place for me to meet and befriend special people like I already have.

So, you'd think that I would have a lot to share, having not written for a long time. Problem is: I can't remember any of it, lol. (Another great reason to have a blog...helps me remember when things happened.) What I have done lately is read a lot of books and buy a lot of CDs. I bought Madonna's new cd, the Brokeback Mountain soundtrack, and got a cd from a new(?**) band called The Academy Is. (Prompting me to decide that if I ever start a band it will be called And The Grammy Goes To.) I bought an finished 'The Rules of Attraction' and 'The Informers', both by Bret Easton Ellis. I also read 'The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time' and I am in the middle of 'A Million Little Pieces'.

** David - You'll have to help me on this.

You know, there has been a lot of controversy about the 'truthiness' of this memoir. My opinion tends to be that a memoir does not need to be a completely factual representation of events. Really, who doesn't embellish their true stories a little bit when they are telling them. Whether it be to make a person look better (or worse) or just to engage the attention of the audience...I think the disputed points of the book are negligible. (It's an amazing book as far as I am concerned.)

So, Brokeback Mountain was finally released here in Lafayette. It's not playing at the luxury theater at Wabash Landing (the theater closest to Purdue University where I think it would play well.) It's playing at Eastside 9...a low-rent theater that I have not been to in years. YEARS! Holly called me about 3:00 this afternoon and said that she and Dani were going and invited me. Of course I went. We went to the 4:00 show and were joined by 6 women in their mid-40's and a couple fag-less hags. (That was interesting...seeing an identifiable hag in her natural habitat sans fag.) I enjoyed the movie (and the soundtrack), but it was not all I had been told to expect. There were parts that I laughed at...and I did have a tear in my eye (but not on my cheek) at the end. Honestly, I cried more at RENT. I am supposed to see BBM again this weekend with Lynn, though, and maybe it will affect me more. The title of this post basically sums up my thoughts on the movie. It was disheartening to see so many wasted lives...and who and what can be affected by not admitting and trying to hide truths.

Wow, this really is a rambling post...thanks for sticking with me this far. (There are rewards coming.)

We hae new Music of the Moment from The Academy Is. 'Checkmarks' is on their album 'Almost Here'. And, hey, they're from Chicago, so you can hardly go wrong.

OK, now it's Picture Pages time.

This is an actual license plate issued to a computer company in FL. I love it...and wonder how many homosupergays want that plate now, lol.

And now (drumroll please) I present what you can't find anywhere else. (Well, as of a week ago you couldn't.) I have yet to see the Colin Farrell sex tape, but I have seen dozens of pics from it. I've been told that the quality of the video is severely lacking, but these pics are quite enlightening. Let's leave my comments at this: He's no Long Dong Silver...but it's something I would like to try. (From 12 feet away in a biohazard containment suit for my own protection.)

As these pics are supremely NSFW (unless you work for Vivid Video or something) I have created an album here that you can check out. If that link doesn't work for you, email me at tragicdemise@gmail.com and I can send them your way. :)

Monday, January 23, 2006

A Million Little Pieces

The Young Man came to the Old Man seeking counsel.

I broke something, Old Man.

How badly is it broken?

It's in a million little pieces.

I'm afraid I can't help you.


There's nothing you can do.


It can't be fixed.


It's broken beyond repair. It's in a million little pieces.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

This is Where I Live.

I saw this over at RottenRyan...his supposition is that your desktop tells us something about ourselves. I think I am schizophrenic. Or very messy. The desktop, by the way, is from Veer. Go to them for all your wallpaper needs. :)

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Monday, January 09, 2006

Boring Long Weekend

When you work in retail, your holidays are often fucked up. For example: I was off on Friday, January 6th for New Years. :) I'm not complaining, though - it happened that my schedule rotation gave me a 3-day weekend this weekend, so I was off Fri, Sat, Sun, and Mon. The downside of this: I had ABSOLUTELY no plans. none. nada. Four days is a LONG time to have nothing to do.

Lynn called me on Saturday and we decided to go out to dinner. I gathered up Holly, Crystal, and Robyn and Lynn brought Dustin and we decided to try a fairly new restaurant on Main and 8th in downtown Lafayette called Spurlock's. We got there at 8:00 and put in our name for a table for 6. It took us about 15 minutes to get a table, but that wasn't bad since it's fairly small space. We sat at the bar and chatted for a while until we were seated. I was very impressed with their menu. Lynn and I ordered Garlic Pepper Pasta with Alfredo Sauce, Robyn got the Shrimp Pasta Alfredo, Dustin ordered a Chicken Sandwich, and Holly and Crystal both got the Tilapia (one grilled, one broiled). Our server was a little off, but pretty attentive. He was quick to bring Holly her water she had requested when ordering her wine and brought me a second glass of water when I asked. (Things that I would have liked him to have picked up on.) Around 9:00 Holly, Crystal, and I went back to the bar to have a cigarette, hoping our food would arrive while we were gone. After my cigarette I used the restroom and came back to the table. Everyone's food was there except Lynn's and mine. As I was asking Lynn what the problem was another server came over and mentioned that it was not fit to serve, so they were making it again. I was a little perturbed. Not that they didn't serve it - I would rather them not serve me something less than appetizing. It kinda pissed me off, though, that they served everyone else's food.

Our only choices were to have everyone start eating without us or have them wait and let their food get cold. Lynn and I insisted that they begin to eat without us...our food shouldn't take long...just pasta, really. As I took a sip of my water I looked across the table at Robyn taking a bite of one of her shrimp. She looked up at me and tried desperately not to spit it out. Her ruling: the shimp were cold and tough...disgusting to eat. I looked over at Crystal's plate. She had ordered smashed potatoes with her fish and I remarked how delicious they looked. "They do look good...if only they were hot - warm, even..." was her response. Holly's fish was good, but steamed vegetables were cold. I finally got around to Dustin. His chicken sandwich was, "probably the best I have ever had...but not worth an hour's wait."

Lynn's and my pasta finally arrived. Hers was piping hot and steaming...mine was, unfortunately, not. You know with alfredo sauce there is a short window of perfect temperature? Often when it is served it is too hot...but it cools rapidly and can soon become gritty and lumpy rather than creamy and delicious. Mine was the former. (I also kind of expected there to be pepper or garlic on my pasta, but none was evident - just angel hair with alfredo and some parsley sprinkled on top.) I ate about 4 bites. Our server had obviously taken note of our dissatisfaction and bravely approached the table. I am always horrible in these situations. Our server had done an adequate job - and it wasn't his fault that the kitchen was fucking up. He was still going to get a tip from me...it's hard not to, lol. He asked, though, what he could do to make us come back another time. (He even promised us gift certificates.) I said, "I'm not really interested in coming back, but thanks for asking." Everyone else kinda echoed my sentiments and Dustin sealed the deal when he said, "At this point, nothing. I think it's a lost cause. We aren't interested in paying, though...Especially for the 2 pasta meals that took over an hour to be served." Our server looked a little terrified when he said that that would be fine, but he would still have to charge us for our drinks. (Indiana state law does not allow for alcoholic drinks to be comped.) *****SEE UPDATE BELOW.

In the end, all of the meals were comped. Dustin took care of paying for the drinks and we did leave the server a hefty tip. Sorry this whole entry has turned into a restaurant review...but this was one of the worst restaurant experiences I have ever had. I probably would go back to Spurlock's...but maybe not with a group of 6 - and maybe for lunch, I guess.

*****UPDATE - I have gotten a lot of Google traffic about the new restaurant downtown, Spurlock's. Some new information came to me about dinner after the weekend. First of all, Lynn and my pasta was not remade. The went to ANOTHER restaurant and got out take-out and put it on a plate. (No wonder it was cold.) What I also didn't realize is that the meal was NOT COMPED. When Lynn and Dustin went to the bar after dinner, they talked to the manager or someone and they were told that the meal would not be comped. And the manager DIDN'T apoligize for the service. (Not to mention, there were no gift certificates given to us.) With this new information, I would have to say that there is ABSOLUTELY no way I will ever return to Spurlock's in downtown Lafayette for a meal. I called the restaurant to complain about our service and asked for the manager. The woman that answered the phone asked what it was in regard to and I told her that I had some concerns about the service we recieved. I was told that the manager would not speak to me about that matter. I thought she meant he wasn't in at the moment and asked when I could call back. "Oh, he's here. But he won't talk to you about that." Great service, Spurlock's. Good Job.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Oh, What A Year It Was

As promised, here are pics from NYE at the Knickerbocker last weekend. I will do my best to caption them...The band featured was Jakob Best Outfit. There are more pictures, so if you don't see yourself yet, don't worry. I will post them as soon as I get around to editing myself out of them. ;)

Ben and Josh

Doc and Holly

I don't know this guy with Ben

Josh and Crystal

Holly and friends

Jeff - My favorite bartender


I don't remember their names...he used to date my friend Nyssa

Dan - my favorite doorman

Dani - my favorite girl bartender

Billy and a friend...I don't remember her name


Lynn's girls

Robyn, Matt, Lynn, Dustin, Karl

This is what my memory of the night is like...pretty dark and very blurry.

and Karl titillating the audience

Tom - Kat = Single-Actress-Mommy

It's still early...

It's only a rumor...

You all know I am not one to believe rumors...

(haHA...wow, I almost kept a straight face during that last one, lol)

In the best news I have heard in months - Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are breaking up. Evidently the holidays with the Holmes' didn't go so well. Someone in the House of Holmes finally realized that their daughter has been abducted and replaced by a hand puppet. (It's tricky for a guy as short as Tom to control a puppet larger than himself, but I guess he has to be talented at SOMETHING.)

I feel bad for Katie. (Can we call her Katie again?) It was going to be bad enough to be Tom Cruise's 3rd wife...and have his (biological, HAH) baby. Now she is just that girl that used to be on the Creek and got knocked up by the crazy guy back in '05.

Crazy kids.....

Thursday, January 05, 2006

The Better You Look, The More You See

Hello, my lovelies...

I just finished reading 'The Rules of Attraction' by Bret Easton Ellis. I got the dvd for christmas from Lynn and bought the book for myself last week. I love the movie and now I LOVE the book. It's a lot heavier than the movie, though. There are a few more characters and they are WAY more developed. Well, when I finished RoA, I went back to B&N to get 'Glamorama' (another Bret Easton Ellis book) but it was out of stock. I settled on 'The Informers' and started it today at lunch. I was so into it, in fact, that I sat at Panera and read instead of eating my salad. I was almost late back to work because of it, lol.

When I got home from work, the first thing I read online was that an Indiana NBC station had chosen not to air the new series "The Book of Daniel". I was pretty disappointed. I have been looking forward to the show and was actually planning to watch it tomorrow night. Luckily, it is the Terre Haute affiliate that is pre-empting the show, and my NBC is out of Indianapolis. I was afraid that WTHR might make the same mistake to pre-empt and I e-mailed them to give them my thoughts. ;)

After hearing of a Terre Haute, IN NBC affiliate's decision to not air
tomorrow's premiere of 'The Book of Daniel' I felt the need to contact
you. I hope that your station will not succumb to the pressures from
groups such as the AFA and others that are urging the show be blacked

Not only am I looking forward to seeing the show, I know many people
that are exciting about its possibilities. Please let your viewers
make the choice to watch this show. Let the ratings decide 'Daniel's' fate.
I got an immediate response:

Thank you for sharing your comments regarding NBC’s program “The Book of Daniel.” While the characterizations and viewpoints expressed in the program may not represent our views, we believe the censorship of programming, except in the most extreme cases, would be an even greater disservice to our viewers. Your viewpoints will be shared with NBC.
I guess Indiana isn't just like Nazi Germany...not just like it...

I did catch this site online, though...They are pretty sure that 'The Book of Daniel' is going to end the world. One great quote:
NBC says "The Book of Daniel" is a serious drama about Christian people and the Christian faith. IT IS NOT! Consider:
* The main character is Daniel Webster, a drug-addicted Episcopal priest.
* His wife depends heavily on her mid-day martinis.
* Webster regularly sees and talks with a very unconventional and non-Biblical Jesus.
* The Webster family includes a 23-year-old homosexual Republican son.
* A 16-year-old drug-dealing daughter.
* A 16-year-old adopted son who is having sex with the bishop's daughter.
* Webster's lesbian secretary is sleeping with his sister-in-law.

All emphasis theirs...Sounds like a great show to me, lol.

I did have a disappointing moment when I IM'ed MovieFone to check Bareback Mountain show times...

MovieFone says:
Hey there. What film are you looking for?
TragicDemise says:
Brokeback Mountain
MovieFone says:
K, I found a match. You used zip 47906 last. To use it type Y. OR type in a new zipcode now and I'll see if this is playing near you.
TragicDemise says:
MovieFone says:
I found Brokeback Mountain playing on 01/05/2006 but not anywhere near 47906. Try for another film, director or actor.

When...WHEN!? I just want to see this movie without making a trip to Indianapolis or Chicago. (Not that I would mind a trip to Indy or Chi...I just wanna see the movie, lol...)

I Almost Forgot

The best part of my day today...

Two 5(ish) year old twin boys were arguing while their mother was shopping.

  • If you make me angry one more time, I am not going to use my words.
  • Oh yeah? What're you gonna do?
  • I am gonna kick you in the gentles!
oh dear...

Wednesday, January 04, 2006


Ok, let's try this again...after a long and much-needed (if not well deserved) blogging break, I am going to try to get back into the swing of things. If any one is still out there, tell all of your friends to come back, lol...

I have some pictures from New Year's Eve that should be posted sometime on Friday. It was a blah end to a shitty year as far as I am concerned. I had to work both New Year's Eve and Day, so I was already in a shitty mood, lol. We showed up around 10:00 and I was only on my second drink by the time we hit midnight. After that it was all downhil...fast. When I went to order a Sprite (trying to be good - work in the morning, remember) I turned around to see the bartender dumping a bottle of Grey Goose into a glass. Happy New Ye-wha!? That's pretty much the end of what I remember from that night. I do remember that I ran into Seth, a sweetie I met years ago when I was getting my eyebrow pierced (back in 1998). He was hanging out with some people I vaguely know from the bar, so at least I had someone to kiss when it hit midnight. (People were very surprised, though...I was all shirt/tie and he was all t-shirt/tattoos, lol.)

Work has sucked for the past couple of weeks. Mostly it has been because I can't sleep. At one point over the weekend I realized that I had only slept 20 hours since Christmas...averaging about 3 hours a night. When I get home from work I am so exhausted that I end up falling asleep for 20-30 minutes and then I am up until 4:00-5:00 in the morning...ugh

2005 marked the end of two big chapters of my life. At the end of June the person I have loved most in my life moved to California. It was a great time that we spent together, but it still hurts and I miss him like I never have anyone else. Then, at the end of November, 20 moved to Minnesota. Our relationship was never on the same level as what I had previously lost, but it was much more special than I ever expected or wanted it to be and I still miss him, too.

Today marks another low point. At 11:11 am on January 4th, 1999 my mother died. She had battled breast cancer for years and finally passed away at the age of 40. I wrote about her battle previously in my Father's Day post. I would write about it again, but I just can't. Today was the 7 year anniversary and I was at work. That was a pretty good thing, I think, because it took my mind off of it a little. On the downside, I have to drive past the cemetary on my way to and from work, so it never gets pushed too far away.

I had a dream this evening during my half-hour nap. I dreamed that I was related to the surviving miner in West Virginia. When we got to the hospital all of the news outlets wanted access to us and the only person I would let in was Anderson Cooper. I was wondering if that made me a worse person or a better faggot. While talking to David, though, we both realized that worse person/better faggot is not a mutually exclusive argument...in fact better faggot usually does mean worse person. ;)

I am reposting an old Music of the Moment...sort of. Sarah McLachlan's 'Angel' is the song that my mother and I shared during her last few days. Here it is again for you. (In keeping with the non-subtleties that Jason has brought our attention to, and the lack of sleep I have had, I am posting the 'Dusted Remix'.)