White DE version 2

Wednesday, January 04, 2006


Ok, let's try this again...after a long and much-needed (if not well deserved) blogging break, I am going to try to get back into the swing of things. If any one is still out there, tell all of your friends to come back, lol...

I have some pictures from New Year's Eve that should be posted sometime on Friday. It was a blah end to a shitty year as far as I am concerned. I had to work both New Year's Eve and Day, so I was already in a shitty mood, lol. We showed up around 10:00 and I was only on my second drink by the time we hit midnight. After that it was all downhil...fast. When I went to order a Sprite (trying to be good - work in the morning, remember) I turned around to see the bartender dumping a bottle of Grey Goose into a glass. Happy New Ye-wha!? That's pretty much the end of what I remember from that night. I do remember that I ran into Seth, a sweetie I met years ago when I was getting my eyebrow pierced (back in 1998). He was hanging out with some people I vaguely know from the bar, so at least I had someone to kiss when it hit midnight. (People were very surprised, though...I was all shirt/tie and he was all t-shirt/tattoos, lol.)

Work has sucked for the past couple of weeks. Mostly it has been because I can't sleep. At one point over the weekend I realized that I had only slept 20 hours since Christmas...averaging about 3 hours a night. When I get home from work I am so exhausted that I end up falling asleep for 20-30 minutes and then I am up until 4:00-5:00 in the morning...ugh

2005 marked the end of two big chapters of my life. At the end of June the person I have loved most in my life moved to California. It was a great time that we spent together, but it still hurts and I miss him like I never have anyone else. Then, at the end of November, 20 moved to Minnesota. Our relationship was never on the same level as what I had previously lost, but it was much more special than I ever expected or wanted it to be and I still miss him, too.

Today marks another low point. At 11:11 am on January 4th, 1999 my mother died. She had battled breast cancer for years and finally passed away at the age of 40. I wrote about her battle previously in my Father's Day post. I would write about it again, but I just can't. Today was the 7 year anniversary and I was at work. That was a pretty good thing, I think, because it took my mind off of it a little. On the downside, I have to drive past the cemetary on my way to and from work, so it never gets pushed too far away.

I had a dream this evening during my half-hour nap. I dreamed that I was related to the surviving miner in West Virginia. When we got to the hospital all of the news outlets wanted access to us and the only person I would let in was Anderson Cooper. I was wondering if that made me a worse person or a better faggot. While talking to David, though, we both realized that worse person/better faggot is not a mutually exclusive argument...in fact better faggot usually does mean worse person. ;)

I am reposting an old Music of the Moment...sort of. Sarah McLachlan's 'Angel' is the song that my mother and I shared during her last few days. Here it is again for you. (In keeping with the non-subtleties that Jason has brought our attention to, and the lack of sleep I have had, I am posting the 'Dusted Remix'.)


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