I'm Tired of "I'm Tired of Being Sorry"

OK...This is getting a little ridiculous, lol. When I first posted Ringside - 'Tired of Being Sorry', it was just because I had seen the video and happened to pertain to my life that particular day. I left it up for a couple days, like I do with most MOTMs, and then replaced it. Then I noticed something in my statistics...a LOT of people's google searches for the lyrics of that song were leading them here to TragicDemise. Seeing an obvious interest in the song, I reposted it. Well - for me, at least, the song has lost its shine.

When I got home from work today I checked my site statistics like I usually do. (I like to know where you are all coming from and it keeps me up-to-date when someone adds a link to me so I can send them some link-love.) I was curious about something so I took a count. Thirty three of my last 100 visitors were referred here by searching for one of several popular lyrics from that song. um...holy crap. It's nice to know I was on top of something - I like to be the first kid on the block to catch on. (The last time we had such a huge interest in any one item here on TragicDemise was back in August with Jude's Nudes.)

Don't worry, though, if you are coming for the song. You can still click here to hear the song. (The lyrics can be found in one of my past posts that I don't have the interest to find.)

So...a couple things have come together for our new MOTM. While checking my stats, I came across a couple referrals from the same website. When I checked it out, I found that a new blog has linked to me. Scoot a little around the table to make room for Ziggy from Simply Complicated. If you have read me for a while (or I talk to you 'off-blog') you probably know I have a thing for 'straight' guys. I am not going to pretend that the guys I catch are 'straight'...straight men don't do some of these things, lol. But, it's evidently gotten bad enough that Britt is forbidding me from approaching anyone else from 'her team', lol. Anyway...the though of soccer practice, water polo, the football team...um...what was I saying? Oh yeah...we have a new MOTM - Johnny McGovern aka GAY PIMP - Soccer Practice. I hope you like it.

One other thing...tonight is Halloween and I hope everyone has fun plans. Lynn and I are going to the Knickerbocker tonight for their Halloween 'House' Party. They are having a DJ spinning house and techno from 10-close and I am uber-excited. There is also a costume contest that I am hoping Lynn and I will win. (Photos to follow asap.) Have a good night, everyone...


*****I was just talking to Pimpin' D about my search results fiasco. Evidently, at www.google.pl I am, like, result #4 when you search "Maybe you were right". As if that weren't odd enough - Take a look at the pic on the left. This is a breakdown of my recent visitors...

Yes, you are seeing correctly. 51% USA - 27% POLAND! Well, welcome to all of our Polish friends...don't know how that song blew up in Poland, but glad you are liking it! :)

OK...real quick...

OK...I am literally running out the door over to Lynn's to get our costumes together and go out tonight. I came across this meme on someone else's blog and was curious to see what I would find... The results were too funny and I had to post them here for you. This is now an official NO TAGGING ZONE, although, I do suggest you trying it to see what you get! (If you do this - be sure to comment so I know to check out what you find...mine were fantastic...waiting for all yours!)

Instructions: Visit Google.com, put your first name and the word “needs” in quotations (e.g., “Johnny needs”) in the search box, and then click the Google Search button. Write down the top 10 results.

1. "Matt Needs" to not play every little blog meme that comes along.
2. Matt needs new liver, please help.
3. Matt Needs Money.
4. Matt needs a job!
5. Matt needs a HOOKER!
6. Matt needs someone to bend him over and give him 20 paddles in his shorts.
7. Matt needs help.
8. Matt needs to have his bottom bared and a paddling needs to be administered.
9. Matt needs both a mother figure and a strong male role model in his life.
10. To make the grade, Matt needs a fine instrument

Some of them are hitting a little too close to home. Who is it that knows so much about what I need? lol

I Wish I Knew How to Quit You.

Brokeback Mountain fever is back...again. Since we can't see the movie until January, we're all going to read the short story by Annie Proulx, right? Well, no reason to run out and buy it...Since the entire text has been published online, why not just click here to read it...

It's Getting Ugly...

New plans were announced today for another super tall tower along Chicago's lakeshore. The "Tall Tower" would be 2,000 feet tall but would not (initially) contain more than a few floors of office or entertainment space. Being billed mainly as an antenna base, it would provide a place for HDTV broadcast signals. It would be comprised of 3 pairs of concrete legs reaching into the sky to form a so-called 'candelabra' of antennas. Every 10-15 floors, concrete beams would brace the tower legs as they taper to their final height.

In my opinion, the Tall Tower (first of all needs a new name) looks a lot like an alien tweezer device. (Plucking the sense out of Chicago developers, perhaps?) It is interesting in one sense. The developer has introduced the idea of 'plug-in architecture'. As needs arise, blocks of office, retail, and residential space could be inserted between the legs of the antenna. It's a very intriguing idea...and a very ugly building.


Chicago's lakeshore has already been home to one of the worst examples of stadium 'architecture' to have been erected in the past, oh - I don't know - ever...

The new Soldier Field is a towering steel and glass extravaganza whose shape is reminiscent of either an alien spacecraft or a giant cruise-ship. I wouldn't normally be averse to this type of architecture, but the very fact that they built this stadium within the Doric collonade of the old Soldier Field is nauseating. The purpose of retaining the old facade was partially in hopes of keeping Soldier Field's historic designation, which it subsequently lost, anyway.

Another bright idea involved McDonald's trying to revamp their image... McDonald's is headquartered near Chicago and has always been a visible resident of the downtown area. A couple years ago, they decided to tear down their Rock n Roll McDonald's and build this horrible, horrible eyesore on the corner of Ontario and Clark. Not only is it far uglier than this picture gives it credit for, it takes up an entire city block. It's this, combined with 'Supersize Me' that has steered me clear of the golden arches for over 2 years now.

Luckily, not all is lost along the lakeshore and riverfront. Millenium Park, near Grant Park, is Chicago's largest outdoor public works project in more than a century. It includes works from world-famous architects and designers and also provides the first new public space on the downtown area in years.

The Donald is still pushing his Trump Tower Chicago to house its first tenants in 2007. It is rising from the remnants of the Chicago Sun-Times building on the north bank of the Chicago River to a height of 1,360 ft. The first plans for this building looked just like a squat chunk of a building. Fortunately, though, with redesigns the building is much better scaled and has a more appealing look. After some studies about what sort of wind forces the original building would create, there were some small design changes that made a HUGE difference. Rather than symmetrical stepbacks that had originally been designed, the new building will have a more abstract look. It also has more curved areas and fewer sharp corners. One study on the aerodynamic impact of the originally designed building said that with a sustained wind of only 15 mph, the building could produce its own tornadoes along the shore of the Chicago River.

With this new building boom in Chicago, some areas of the city are becoming quite squeezed. Streeterville residents moved into a very under-recognized area but have soon felt the pressure of as many as 13 new mid-rise buildings to be completed in the next 4 years. This new building boom in Chicago (if all proposals were to be built) would make Chicago home to the 10 tallest buildings in North America. (Chicago already has 5 of the top 10.) While I am all for Chicago being recognized for it's superiority, let's take a step back and look at what we are building. Just because something CAN be the tallest...should it? And - if it's going to be ugly...shouldn't it be as small as possible?

Well, that's enough ranting for today...well, this post, anyway. Considering I only studied architecture for 4 years and am not 'technically' an expert on the subject, my whining will accomplish nothing, lol...

OK...Maybe I Was Wrong...

Janet Jackson might not be just like us, after all. I mean, I don't know that many people that have a secret 18-year old daughter.

Robbie Williams is Still Kinda Hot

I'm Looking for Baggage That Goes with Mine...

So, where to start...

First of all, Prison Break is back on Fox tonight after a 3 week hiatus for hockey, or something...I'm excited. It's not often that a show like this catches my attention and this time it's not JUST because of the hotness of an actor...

As if Halloween weren't already the best holiday, Hydrate is putting on one of the absolute BEST weekends of excitement I have seen in a long time. There will be performances by Martha Wash and Cece Peniston along with a roster of DJs that makes me want to pee my pants. The very idea of Hex Hector, Ralphi Rosario, Lydia Prim, Laura B, and Rodney Decker in the same place verges on orgasmic. And guess who has to work all weekend. Yes...Matty McMattMatt. You know what that is? It's a damn shame...


In news that is hard to believe, but true, this is a rendering of a skywalk planned to open on the Grand Canyon early next year. It will be 4,000 ft aboce the Colorado River and canyon floor and reach 80 yards from the brink of the cliff. The platform will be completely surrounded by 4-inch thick glass (or plexi) and accomodate about 120 people at a time. You know...I am not DEATHLY afraid of heights, but the thought of being on a (seemingly) unsupported platform about 3/4 of a mile above a little river is not my idea of a good time. Admittedly, it is designed to withstand an 8.0 magnitude earthquake with an epicenter 50 miles away...I will probably show up on a day when there is an 8.1 earthquake centered about 45 miles away, lol...

Gay news anchor? The hell you say. OK, so I know Anderson Cooper has become everyone's Gay Anchor...but, the Washington Blade has a little anecdote about Shepard Smith that might give good ole Coop some company...

Smith once chatted me up in a New York City gay piano bar, bought me drinks, and invited me back to his place. When I declined, he asked me to dinner the next night, another invitation I politely refused.

We sat at the bar chatting and drinking martinis until 3 a.m., our conversation interrupted only when he paused to belt out the lyrics to whatever showtune was being performed.

You know...there are better ways to stay in the closet than trying to pick guys up at a piano bar. (How about not going to a flipping PIANO BAR!?)

On a personal note, my HR manager called me into her office today with the store manager. I was steeled for the worst after missing work on Saturday...but it wasn't really about that. Well, it was, but - they were concerned...and that was kinda sweet. I have been dealing with a lot of shit lately that hasn't been bloggable, so I was without an outlet for most of it. Evidently, I was carrying it to work more than I thought. Well, there's nothing like a good ole fashioned cry in front of two of your bosses to make your afternoon. Anyway...It's over now, and so it most of the shit I was dealing with - I hope.

*****MOTM*****
Back by popular demand, Ringside - Tired of Being Sorry. By 'popular demand' I mean that nearly every Google hit I have had since I posted that song has been for that lyric "Maybe you were right, but baby I was lonely". So, for the first time ever, we are having a re-post of a MOTM. I still like the song, so it's ok. ;)

Ringside - Tired of Being Sorry

I don't know why
You want to follow me tonight
When the rest of the world
With whom I've crossed and I've quarreled
Let's me down so
For a thousand reasons that I know
To share forever the unrest
With all the demons I possess
Beneath the silver moon

Maybe you were right
But baby I was lonely
I don't want to fight
I'm tired of being sorry

Chandler and Van Nuys
With all the vampires and their brides
We're all bloodless and blind
And longing for a life
Beyond the silver moon

Maybe you were right
But baby I was lonely
I don't want to fight
I'm tired of being sorry
I'm standing in the street
Crying out for you
No one sees me
But the silver moon

So far away – so outer space
I've trashed myself – I've lost my way
I've got to get to you

She's Just Like Us

Even Janet Jackson likes to lay out and catch some rays when she gets a chance. I am not usually naked and having a paparazzi film me while I do it, though.

Lost & Found

OK, I can not believe I forgot to share this with you guys. Robyn passed this on to me the other night and I am absolutely addicted. Found Magazine is a website (and, I assume, a magazine) that is made up entirely of things that people find and submit. They are bits of shopping lists, notes, a scribble, anything. Some of them never reached their intended recipient...others were never meant to be read by anyone but their owner. I have included some choice ones below to give you an idea.

Yeah...remember when you thought only people in porn said, "I want to feel you inside of me"? Remember when you heard it in real life from someone? Yeah...it's disturbing. At least she still just wants to be friends...and only friends. I can dig that.






See, hate is such a strong word...People rarely mean it when they say it. I am guessing Amber doesn't REALLY hate Mario, unless she just wants him to page her so she can ream him on the phone later.














Sometimes life would be so much easier if we could go back to 3rd-4th-5th grade...when honesty really was the best policy. (And it was what people actually wanted, lol) The part about 'just teach what to do and what not to do' would have come in REALLY handy while coming out, lol.







Well, you gotta have priorities.








I have a feeling this was one of those "if no one confesses, everyone gets punished" deals. Notice that he is not sorry that he pushed Marcus to the ground...but that he made his Granny mad, lol.








Some of them are just nice. When was the last time someone told you that your life was beautiful? When was the last time you actually thought your life was beautiful?







Sounds like a great vacation to me.


















I have a feeling that this note might have been recieved rightafter Reid did the green ones. You gotta be careful with green ones...last time I did 'em, I woke up in Irving Park, lol.












I know we have all this day. You have your little to-do list all made up and everything...and then you realize that, above all, you just need to accomplish SOMETHING...anything...just do something. :)

Wait...What?

Um...This has absolutely got to be a fake. I wasn't aware that the people at Wrigley even knew how to spell Sox. I've got to admit...I'm a little ashamed of them for being nice, lol.

All Good Things Must Come to an End...

Oh....so much stuff to catch you all up on...

Tuesday night, Lynn and I went to go rent movies. We were in the mood for a horror movie, but why watch one when you can watch two? Why rent two when you can rent three? And why not just watch 4 movies that night and get it all over with, lol. We rented Evil Dead, The People Under the Stairs, and The House of Yes. I had never seen Evil Dead and I actually enjoyed it. It wasn't the "scary movie" I was looking for, but it had it's moments. The People Under the Stairs was new to me, too. It's a Wes Craven movie, so I was hoping it would be pretty good - and it was not bad. Again, though...not the fright I wanted. I have been looking for a long time for a movie that will keep me up at night. You know the ones that make you close all the doors and windows and pull your feet off the floor? Yeah...I need one of those. The House of Yes was fantastic, as always. Lynn and I needed to watch it to get a little inspiration for our Halloween costumes. (details and pictures will follow) After watching all three rentals we delved into Lynn's movie collection. We didn't have to look very far for Rules of Attraction. I won't go into to much detail, but there are at least 3 spots in that movie that we watched several times.

Wednesday I went to lunch with my friend Michelle that got in touch with me last week. We went to a coffee shop near campus and then walked around for a little bit on her break between classes. It was great to get back in touch...and now we know that we only live a mile or so from each other, so hopefully we will see each other more often. When I got home, I got an e-mail from a certain special someone from my past. Someone that I had just recently been able to NOT think about on a daily basis. Well, so much for that. What he had to say was super sweet, but I am still trying to figure out what is going on with '20', so I e-mailed him back and basically thanked him for thinking about me...but we agreed to get over this, so it wasn't the best time. Well, last night I went to the Knickerbocker with Lynn for the Danny Weiss Jazz Quartet. This guy walked in that I had hooked up with like a lifetime ago and he sat directly beside me at the bar. um...awkward. There's only so much time you can spend NOT looking in a particular direction. Luckily, when Robyn showed up, we moved over to a 4-top and got started on our second round of cocktails. Well, wouldn't you know...the guy from the bar and a couple of his friends come over and sit RIGHT behind us. grr.

Anyway...we spent most of the night talking about boys, halloween, and the hurricane relief benefit we are going to this weekend. Robyn was having quite a bit of trouble saying what she meant. Even the most used phrases didn't make it out right. Instead, we got things like, "I don't mean to be a one-note pony, but..." and "This is driving me up shit creek with 4 paddles." It was funny and we all got the point, so it worked out, lol. Saturday night we are all going to the Band Together benefit to raise money for the Red Cross disaster relief. There will be a stage at the Knickerbocker and another (all ages) stage next door in the Atrium of the historic Lahr Hotel. It should be a fun time. The Atrium stage has 9 acts in 30 minute set and the bar will have 3 bands in 90 minute sets.

When the guys at the table behind us left, he turned to me and said, "Night, Matt!". Ok...so he remembers me. Wasn't it obvious enough that I was ignoring him? whatever.

We stayed until is was just Lynn, Me, Dani (the bartender) and another guy at one of the booths. When I got home, The guy that had e-mailed me was online and sent me a message. That message turned into a phone call. The phone call turned into us each taking a bath while on the phone with each other like we used to when we were dating, but seperated by distance. The bath turned into - well, I will leave that to you imagination. :)

When I got off the phone, '20' was online and asked if I wanted to come over to watch a movie. Yeah - a movie. *wink, wink, nudge nudge* I don't even know what time I got over there, but I didn't get back to my house till 8:00 this morning. Holly called me at noon and asked me to meet her for lunch - her treat. So, i got out of bed and showered and made it to the mall by 1:00 and we headed to Pepe's. Lunch was great and I headed home to do some laundry and enjoy the last night of my vacation. No plans so far, but you never know!

Watch Out! I'm Gonna Do It!

That's right...Our new MOTM is Madonna's new single, Hung Up. I know others have had it posted and been hounded by lawyers or whatever...But I don't think little old us over here at Tragic Demise will have any problems. Here is a copy of ABBA's 'Gimme Gimme Gimme' for everyone to compare... I am heading over to Lynn's for a night of movies...have fun, kids.

Autumn on Campus

There is something so - just - well - collegiate - about October to me. I don't really know why, but I always get the bug to go walk around campus around this time of year. Considering I like near one certain large university and none of you live near me, I am taking you all on a little photo-journey around Purdue University.

First, a little history... In 1869 Purdue University opened as the first land-grant university in Indiana under the Morrill Act of 1862. It was made possible, in large part, thanks to John Purdue who donated $150,000 and a portion of land for the campus. Land-grant universities were founded with the intention of teaching agriculture and mechanic arts. Even today, Purdue is known nation-wide for the agriculture and engineering programs as well as its colleges of management, technology, and computer science. Some of Purdue's most famous graduates come from the School of Aeronautics and Astronautics. Purdue was the first university in the country to open it's own airport and has produced over 20 astronauts - including the first and last man to walk on the moon.

(Click any picture to enlarge)

This is the Memorial Mall on State St. John Purdue is laid to rest on Memorial Mall per his finals request. Memorial Mall is part of the original campus that included only 3 buildings, 6 instructors, and 39 students.



This is the John Purdue Memorial Fountain located next to his grave on Memoral Mall. In the background you can see University Hall. It is an original building and is over 135 years old.



In this picture of the north side of campus you can see the Engineering Mall. Engineering is one of Purdue's strongest programs and its Schools of Nuclear and Industrial Engineering have been named in the top 5 in the country by U.S. News & World Report.



This is one of Purdue's most recognizable landmarks, the Engineering Mall Water Sculpture. It is made entirely of cast concrete and the four sides swoop upwards towards the center where a column of water shoots nearly 30 feet into the air. On the left (in the background) you can see the Bell Tower.



Here is another view of the Bell Tower. It was built and dedicated in 1995. In 1894, Purdue dedicated Heavilon Hall with a belltower. Unfortunately, 4 days after the building was dedicated, it was engulfed in flames and burned to the ground. The University President promised that day that the building would go up again..."One brick higher." A new building (9 bricks higher) was built and dedicated the next year, 1895, with the same name, but did not utilize the bells from the original clock tower. They remained in storage until the new Bell Tower was built 100 years later.



This picture shows Academy Park which is located between the Purdue Memorial Union and Heavilon Hall (seen on the right). It is a circular 'ampitheater-style' classroom park. Its acoustics are engineered so that an instructor may stand in the middle of the paved circle and speak in a normal tone of voice and be heard by everyone seated on the surrounding raised lawns.



This is Founders' Park. It was originally located where the Engineering Mall exists now and was rebuilt on the liberal arts campus several years ago. In the background of the photo is Beering Hall, formerly the Liberal Arts and Education Building. The round room on the upper right of the building is a conference room that commands stellar views of campus, the river valley, and the city of Lafayette.



Located just to the north of Beering Hall, this was originally the Memorial Gymnasium, but now houses the Computer Science college. There are 17 steps (some inside the doors) in memoriam of the 17 Purdue students, players, and fans that died in a train crash while travelling to Indianapolis in 1903 for a football game against Indiana University.



This is Hovde Hall, one of the main administrative buildings on campus. It is located near the Engineering Mall and is connected by a skywalk to the Elliott Hall of Music.



These are The Muses as depicted on the north wall of Elliott Hall of Music. There is some local lore than in John Purdue's plan for the college, it was forbidden that Purdue ever have a college of music or a music hall. Purdue still has no formal music school, but it does now have a Hall of Music. Hey, it's not a music hall, lol.



I will leave you with 2 shots that I love most on campus. Here you can see the Water Sculpture at night. It is lit by each of 4 'arms' reaching in each direction. Back in the olden days, when I was at Purdue, on hot summer days you would see groups of students doing 'fountain runs' through the middle column of water. Unfortunately, the stream of water is nearly 30 feet high and very forceful. So forceful, in fact, that several people have been injured and the base of the fountain is now surrounded with a polished metal sleeve about 8' tall. In the background you can again see the Bell Tower lit at night.



Another great shot is this one from the Material Science and Electrical Engineering Building. This window faces the Engineering Mall and is perfectly aligned with the Water Sculpture and Hovde Hall. Hey, Purdue's campus is nothing if not engineered. ;)

You might notice a few things about Purdue's campus. First of all...we do love our 'malls'. Unlike most suburban colleges that have a lot of "natural" nature, Purdue has very manicured and designed spaces that highlight key points of campus. Each area of campus has it's own mall or park and they all have a special look and feel to them. (There are several I have not included here.)

You might also notice the plethora of red brick on the buildings. There are several legends that prescribe certain reasons for this...none of which seem to be true. What is true, though, is that every permanent building on campus is nearly entirely clad in red brick. (There are two exceptions to this in the School of Management...The Krannert Building and Rawls Hall are clad in Indiana limestone, but do include red bricks in their foundations.)



All of the places I have shown you are in this main part of campus pictured above. North of this is the athletic campus with Ross-Ade Stadium and Mackey Arena. To the south is the Agriculture, Foods, and Veterinary Campus. West of the pictured area is mostly residence halls and fraternity/sorority houses. There is so much about Purdue to share...far too much for one blog post. If anyone's ever visiting the area, let me know...I make a great tour guide. :)

Jelly On The Hamster Wheel

So, I am blogging from Robyn's laptop. We're watching the Indianapolis Colts and the St. Louis Rams on Monday Night Football. Basically it has been an entire night of Lynn trying to turn every football reference into a sexual innuendo. "Peyton! Go deep!" "Tight end...hahaha" St. Louis didn't make it easy, but Indianapolis gets it in!"

A few moments passed without comment when Robyn says something about being surprised that no one had a reaction to that. Lynn said she was just trying to think of something but her hamster wheel wasn't working..."There's jelly on my hamster wheel...it sounds like I have an STD." "Does that mean I can call your vagina a hamster wheel?" "Yeah, I guess that's what I mean."

Ayway, I came over to watch the game fully intending to root for the Colts because I thought they were playing the Steelers...Instead, though, they are playing the STL Rams, so I am alone in rooting for them. Right now they are losing 31-20. :( I am not a fan of pro sports, so it really doesn't matter to me, but I still want STL to win...for some reason I have more loyalty to a city I spent a little time in than a city that I am a 45 minute drive away from. No offense to anyone from Indy, but I really don't like the city. I think it comes from living an hour away from Indy and 2 hours away from Chicago...Why go to Indy when Chi is 2x as far and about 10x more fun?

Anyway, this post has absolutely no point except to pass on the fact that Lynn has jelly on her hamster wheel, and if anyone else ever says that to you, you should know what to look out for.

One more comment from Lynn about a Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper..."Such a mouthful, man!" That's the way we like it. :)

*****UPDATE*****

Almost forgot to write about the drama of the night. About halfway through the first half, Robyn went to the kitchen (to get a beer, I think) and stopped dead in her tracks in the doorway. Instead of telling us what was wrong, she said we would have to come look for ourselves. When we walked into the hallway we saw one of nature's experiments gone completely wrong. Up in the corner of the wall was this GINORMOUS insect. We're stil not sure what it is...some sort of cross between a spider and a cricket. It had a lot of legs/antennae, but they back legs looked like grasshopper/cricket legs...ishy. Being the only "boy" in the apartment, I was nominated to "get it, get it, get it!" So, with only a broom, I attacked. Unfortunately, I missed, lol, and broke the broom. The Thing feel onto Robyn's desk and I ran out of the hallway with the girls...screaming and shaking. I knew I hadn't killed it, but I didn't want to tell anyone...I guess just hoping it might make up it's mind to die on it's own, lol. When I re-approached the desk, with the broken broom handle, I just kinda poked around until I saw it crawl out of an organizer. That led us all screaming back out of the hallway. I finally found the Thing on the floor and slapped it with the end og the broomstick...GAH! It was dead, and Robyn went to grab some harspray. No one deserves to meet their maker without a nice hairdo. We went back to watching the game and, eventually, I stopped shaking. Everything was all well and good until Lynn got up to walk into the kitchen and stopped in the hallway, "It moved!" We all thought she was crazy..because she usually is, but when we walked in, it had definitely moved. She grabbed te broomstick and kinda just swatted in the general direction of the Thing...over and over again. I told her just to push it against the baseboard to crush it...CRUNCH. There was plenty of screaming involved...shaking, screaming...some sounds that weren't actually "words"...but it is now dead...I think. We're so manly.
After some internet research I found this pic and I am pretty sure what we found is a Camel/Cave Cricket. Uckadoo.

Maybe You Were Right, But Baby I Was Lonely

How do you have a fight with someone you're not even dating? You would think I would know since I just did.

I saw '20' today and we are still trying to continue on our path from fuck-buddies to friends. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be, lol. I made the mistake of mentioning that I had recently realized that he was '17' when we met and he had told me he was '18'. He took that as a jab against his maturity, which is not at all how I intended it. Anyway, I am not entirely sure how to take it. He is moving away in less than 6 weeks, so nothing can be that serious, but I definitely don't want to ruin whatever this may be.

He told me a few days ago that he found 'Tragic Demise' while doing a Google Search for something random and came across my site. Well, if you know me in real life, it wouldn't take a genius to realize whose page this is. Well, evidently he has been a busy boy and has read most of the archives. Considering how honest I have been about him in my writing, that was not an altogether good thing. We had a few discussions about what I had written...and he showed me some key passages that I had written...I have been a little harsh, I guess, lol.

We finally came to the agreement, though, that he will continue to read 'Tragic Demise' and we will not discuss it anymore. This is my outlet and that shouldn't change...I will continue to write about my life (and the people in it) un-edited.

Anyway...we have some new MOTM from Ringside. 'Tired of Being Sorry'...I saw the video for this last night and have been a little obsessed with it all day.

mmmm...Sodomy

I have a new drink named after me at the bar. :) Next time you hit the bars, be sure to order a 'Tragic Demise'

1 shot Hpnotiq
1 shot Grand Marnier
splash Blue Curacao
splash Pineapple Juice
Combine all and shake - serve in a cocktail glass

After a few of those, Jeff introduced me to another new cocktail. They just started stocking caramel vodka and Dani came up with this one. It's called the Desperate Housewives martini and it's basically caramel vodka and Godiva white chocolate liqueur shaken and served in a cocktail glass. (For the sake of understatement, let's say I was a little drunk after those, lol.)

Anyway, so Friday was fun and blah blah blah. It was too long ago for me to remember much about it.

Went out for Crystal's birthday last night to the Knickerbocker (of course). Robyn and I showed up around 9:30 and everyone else trickled in around 10. There is something automatically fun about 7-8 people sharing a 4-top table, lol. When there are that many people crowded around each other, there are always 3-4 different conversations going that you can jump back and forth in between. Robyn and I had both said we were going to head home around 12, because we were still recovering from the previous night. Well, 12:30 rolled around and I wasn't ready to go and neither was anyone else. Robyn left her drink and cigarettes and said she was going home to grab a bite to eat and come right back. Well, soon after she left, Crystal and Dennis decided they wanted to go play pool, which would involve changing bars. We convinced everyone to stay until Robyn came back and she could come with us. When Robyn finally did get back to the bar she said she was just going to close her tab and go home. It was a mild source of tension for all of a minute, and then we were over it.

By this point, everyone was running out of steam and Holly had somehow gotten completely drunk, lol. Crystal and Dennis left to have lots of birthday sex and I took Holly home. Lynn waited at the bar and Iafter I dropped Holly off, I stopped back there right before Alex and Ben came over to our table. The 4 of us sat around till after 4:00 just talking about random things...mostly sex, because we are all so horny, lol.

Nothing else exciting this weekend...still on vacation and taking it easy. Tomorrow I have to mow the lawn and trim the bush. That sounds exciting, huh?

Catch you all later...

Who Can Say if I've Been Changed for the Better...

Because I knew you, I have been changed for good...

Wow...I slept all night after work. I have, just now, taken a shower and gotten ready to go out. Work was fairly uneventful. (As uneventful as a day that is 7:45-5:45 can be.) When I left work, I went over to see Holly at the Lancome counter and she gave me a resurface facial peel. I can't say I notice much of a difference, but she said it will take a couple days.

I start my 6-day vacation tomorrow, and we are going out both tonight and tomorrow. Tomorrow is Crystal's (see previous photos to see who Crystal is) birthday.

Gonne go now...Look forward to lots of blogging in the next week...god knows i'll have nothing better to do, lol.

Situational Principles

I really should be in bed, but I wanted to write about what happened at work today. As most of you know, I sell shoes. Being as that is the case, most of my co-workers and I are what you would call 'shoe-whores'. As long as it's pretty, we will buy it. But, then there is Sarah...our veggie friend. She works with us in the shoe department - but there's one problem. She doesn't eat meat...OR wear leather. I always thought it would be hard to sell shoes with those beliefs, seeing as how about 80% of our shoes are leather. She has managed, thus far to get by with nice man-made alternatives. That was until today...


Yesterday we had a woman who brought back a shoe that we sold last year. Nine West 'Doug' (pictured at left) was one of the highlights of last fall's season. Great heel, fantastic toe, low-cut on both sides...it's just the best. Lynn and Brittnie own this shoe already. Anyway...Sarah wears a 5 1/2 (if that) and has a really hard time finding shoes to wear that A) come in her size and B) are remotely cute. I got her to try it on and Voila! it fit perfectly. She went ahead and put it on hold to see if her sister wanted it.

Well, today, she tried it on again...and get this: Since the woman bought it a year ago, the shoe is obsolete in our system. Obsolete shoes sell for $9.98. 'Doug' was originally $69. This is when I started talking to Sarah about 'Situational Principles'. Basically, I understand that she is a vegetarian and doesn't eat meat. I also understand that she doesn't like using leather. BUT...when the cow already died...and another woman already bought the shoe...AND kept it for a year - all the bad juju is out of the shoe. ALSO...most people DO eat meat and wear leather. When a man buys a steak, he does not think about what products might be made out of the rest of that cow. Most people probably eat the equivalent of one cow a year, I would think, but no one owns the amount of leather that one cow would produce. (well, most people don't. Have you ever been in Chicago for IML? lol) My point was that if someone eats beef and doesn't use all the leather from that cow, it is up for grabs and not 'going-to-hell' worthy. I think what finally pushed her over the edge to buying it was when I broke out the calculator and figured that (after our associate discount) her purchase price was only 10.8% of the original price the woman had paid for the shoe - THEREFORE...she only had to carry the burden of 10.8% of the guilt for wearing leather. Needless to say, she had a great laugh at my lecture on 'Situational Principles' and bought the shoes. (She proceeded to go on all day about how comfortable they were and how well they fit.) My next speech was on 'Fluid Morals'...but that will have to wait for another evening, seeing as how I have to be up for work at 6:30 in the a.m.

Night, kids.

I Don't Want You to Love Me

With the news that my Insignificant Other will be moving to far-far-away, I am posting one of 'our songs'. There's not much of a backstory to it other than it reminds me of some of our best sex, lol...There's got to be something subconscious about that, lol. Everything But The Girl - Tempermental...remixed (of course) by my boy Ralphi Rosario.

And - about the Jakob Best Outfit ... you can still find a link to their song 'Newton's Law' in the sidebar. And don't forget to contact them vie the link above to purchase the CD.

I Need This Old Train To Break Down

So, I got a call from an old friend tonight. I almost didn't answer the phone because I didn't recognize the name or number, but I am glad I did. It was my old friend Michelle from high school. Well, I say high school because we did know each other in high school, but we randomly became friends after we went away to seperate colleges. She was in Evansville, IN at the University of Southern Indiana and I was in West Lafayette at Purdue University. Over the summer leading to out freshman year, we started to talk and I came down to visit over my October break. We had a great time and the weekend was over WAY too quickly. It became kind of a tradition; I would go visit on my breaks and she would visit back here on hers. Somehow, over the years, (I couldn't even name when or why) we grew apart and haven't spoken in over a year. At this point we have a tentative plan for her to call me to maybe make plans for lunch (or something) for the middle of next week. Sounds like a plan, huh?

This was supposed to go at the end, but it's just pissing me off too much. Has anyone else watched The Apprentice: Martha Stewart? Now, I love Martha...and I know sometimes you have to get a bitch to make it in that world. Some of these people, though, are literally deficient in their mental capacity, lol. As usual, Team Matchstick fucked everything up by BRAINSTORMING for 6 HOURS! I won't go into details, but let me just say that I can't decide if I absolutely love or hate Jim. When he was asked, in the boardroom, who should be sent home he said, "Anyone but me." You kinda gotta hate that. On the other hand, though, he was SO nervous he was playing with his rings, making faces, grimacing...adorable - in a completly hate-able way.

Subaru has reaffirmed their spot as the gay-family car. They have released 3 new commercials designed exclusively for LOGO. Click here, here, and here to see them on Commercial Closet. I like them...especially Opposites Attract. Here's to a company that can make a gay commercial without using sex to sell...not that I mind that. :)

Oh...You KNOW I am ordering this shirt from New Athens.

Um...When did Tom Ford get so effing hot (and naked)? This slideshow from Style.com is some hot shit. (Yes those are girls with him in bed...)










Just so I don't upset the delicate gay/straight balance on my blog, I had to include this pic of Tom Ford and the K-Trips. I don't know about you, but Butt-Buffing sounds like a pretty good time, lol. :)

It Is Now Officially Fall...

I forgot to mow the back yard today...oops. That means I either have to do it at 7:00 pm after work some evening or wait until Saturday. (I'm betting on Saturday.)

For those of you that have never had the pleasure of experiencing a Northern Indiana autumn, let me describe it for you. Every day is about 60 degrees...but can feel, varyingly, like 40 or 80. It is always about to rain, but it seems that it never does. Forecasts like 'Considerable Cloudiness' start to almost make sense. (What ever happened to partly cloudy, overcast - gloomy?) The leaves start to turn fantastic colors...This year is is predicted to be the last week in October. You start getting invited to bonfires, tailgating, and 'The Last Cookout of the Year...I Swear'.

Above all that, though, fall is the time of year when I am just a little confused. It takes me a few days to catch up and change my rhythm. I noticed this a couple weeks ago when I was getting exhausted at the drop of a hat...sleeping too much, then not at all.

Today, though, I caught up. This afternoon I was complaining to Pimpin' D about being cold...even though the thermostat is set on 68. He suggested a hot drink - cocoa, tea, or coffee. Well, not being one that normally enjoys hot drinks, I tend not to keep those things in my house. So, I suffered. I grabbed another sweater and huddled under my down blanket for warmth. I took a little late afternoon nap and when I woke up, I knew exactly what I needed. I headed to the grocery store to pick up some sweetened dark chocolate, cream, cinnamon, and a loaf of cranberry/walnut bread. It was time for a good, old-fashioned hot cocoa party...all by myself.

If you want to make (what I think is) the best hot chocolate...here is how I do it...

Matty McMattMatt's Hot Hot Chocolate
8oz Sweetened Dark Chocolate (the best you can find - that means European, not American...)
2 cups cream
Pinch Cayenne pepper

It's easy...In a small saucepan, bring the cream just to a boil and then pour over the chocolate. (By this point you have obviously chunked the chocolate, keeping some aside if you want fancy little shavings on top.) In a bowl, pour the hot cream over the chocolate and whisk until smooth. Add a pinch of cayenne pepper and some cinnamon to taste...Voila - hot chocolate. Warm some yummy cranberry/walnut bread and enjoy your night! (I really should experiment - making this with soymilk, but I am worried it won't taste the same...) This recipe makes (obviously) 2 cups of the hot chocolate, so you can share with a friend! -Don't worry if you decide not to...I never do, either.-

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are...

In honor of today being the 18th annual National Coming Out Day, I took the HRC's 'How Out Are You' quiz. The results are slightly disturbing, lol...

ACCORDING TO OUR QUIZ YOU ARE: You're so out, you could actually be the fifth Golden Girl. You're so out that the cosmonauts on Mir have phoned home, they can see you from space, and they know that you're OUT. You can play a great role by inspiring and encouraging others to follow your lead! TALK ABOUT IT!

I never have really been IN, but I didn't know I was THAT out. I don't like to pressure people to come out...I know people need to do it in their own time. BUT...you may as well - we all know anyway. Life is much more fun when you're out...

The Good Times Are Killin' Me...

As promised, we have new Music of the Moment from a local band. Jakob Best Outfit is a great local band that we came across recently at the Knickerbocker. Their new album, Clothing Optional, is out now and available on their website. Robyn (the smart one) chose this track, Newton's Law, from the disk for our MOTM. The cd is only $10 (Plus shipping, unless you plan on visiting.), so if you feel like supporting an up and coming local act, contact them via the link above.

Let me just tell you about this weekend real quick.

Thursday night I got off work and hit the ATM...after gathering as much cash as possible I called Lynn and we headed to the Knickerbocker. When we got there and took our seats at the bar Jeff started pouring and didn't stop all night long. I met some older guy that came up to talk to me. This is going to make me sound bad, but I was really kinda hoping that he was rich and gay and wanted to buy me things. Unfortunately, he was just old and drunk and wanted to annoy me. The end of the night came rather quickly and Lynn, Dan and I walked across the river to Lynn's apartment to finish off a bottle of vodka and crash.

Friday, luckily, I didn't have to work, so I actually got a little sleep, which was nice. Friday night, Karl's band (Jakob Best Outfit) was playing at Luxie's so Robyn and I headed out early to get a good table and wait for everyone else. The band was great and Karl came over to chat during their first break. He had his ever present shot of Don Julio and a couple cigarettes with us before he headed back up to the stage. After the second break we started to catch on that the band was getting pretty drunk, lol. At no point were all the band members back on stage, so it was kind of just a jam session...an awesome one at that. Lynn did request, and get, them to sing Afternoon Delight a cappella. In a word: AMAZING...in two words...FUCKING HILARIOUS. We thought Holly would be out so we made our way to the Knickerbocker only to find out that she had either stayed home or already left. Well, while we were there, we decided we may as well have ONE drink. Luxie's closed soon after we left, so people started trickling into the 'Bocker and that one drink became a couple but we were all so tired it ended quickly.

Robyn and Karl had a date on Saturday night...Lynn and I decided to hit the BiggerKnockers for a few (too many) drinks. Everyone showed up after a while and I have a new boy-crush on our friend Alex. He was talking about his calves and said I could feel. Um...nice...and his head is shaved...and he lets me rub it...and he's hot...but-straight. By the end of the night it had been decided that I would drive and dropped Lynn off at her place and took another friend to his house before I finally made it back home. After shooting off a couple e-mails I decided that I should go have sex with '20'. I showed up at his house around 4:45 and he was (obviously) asleep...but that didn't last long. Long story-short: I got home around 6:30 and had to be up at 8:30. Sunday was officially the LONGEST day in the history of the planet...it was fucking ridiculous. Work was hell and we were super busy. After work, we rented some movies and headed over to Robyn's house to watch 'Team America: World Police' and 'Amityville'. I didn't get home till about 3:00 this morning and was up again at 8:00 for work.

Matty McMattMatt is tired...and is going to bed early tonight. (Unless my phone rings...I am up for whatever.) lol

Promise...

Awesweardagawd I will write something soon...Have been out every night since Thursday and need some sleep...although it is now 4:30 and I have to be up at 9:00.....

I'll be back...and I have a great MOTM for you all.....

Early, Late, Early, Later...

We went out early last night.
We stayed out late last night.
I had to wake up early this morning.
I will have to write something later.

New MOTM coming tonight from Jakob Best Outfit. You'll love it.

ACK!

A TomKat baby!? Does this mean his wang might have touched her hoo-hoo? I'll never believe it...I just won't. I guess congratulations are in order for Tom and Kat(i)e...Is it wrong to wish post-partum depression on someone?

It's Not Often That I Bottom

As promised - here are my random thoughts on the top 20 Great Things About Being...Queer.

20. Kid shows make you gay. -- Everyone knows that Tinky Winky and Sponge Bob make kids gay. I am older than those shows, though. I am pretty sure what made me gay was my overbearing mother and absent father.
19. So many ways to be gay. -- Bears, Twinks, Abercrombies, Flamers, Huffies...the list goes on. What about me? Not fat and hairy enough to be a bear, not skinny and hairless enough to be a twink, I wouldn't be caught dead in A&F, I am hardly a flamer (although I have my moments)...and I haven't been a Huffy since I was riding one. I am in gay limbo.
18. You're hilarious. -- Well, that just goes without saying.
17. Showtunes. -- I do enjoy me some showtunes. Wicked, Rent, Chicago, Hairspray...Bring 'em on.
16. Fag hags. -- We tend to utilize the term 'Fruit Fly' rather that fag hag. I don't know about yours, but mine are far too beautiful to be termed hags.
15. Lesbians look great on TV. -- Well, so do gay men. It's not often that the ugly fat actor gets the gay part.
14. Scaring straight people. -- Other than being inherently scary for being gay, I don't think I am that intimidating. I mean, I don't want to have butt sex with ALL the straight men.
13. Parades. -- My first pride parade was Chicago '99. Three-quarters of a million queers drunk and partying for the best cause ever...US!
12. Mommy Dearest. -- I am voluntarily giving up my gay card for this one. I have never seen Mommy Dearest.
11. You have the best names. -- On the show they give the example Helluva Bottom-Parter (Helena Bonham-Carter). While that is very clever, my favorite is my local Lube Wrestling hostess, Miss Teri Yaki.
10. Acting gay pays off. -- I have seen this in action. Straight boy is seen with me...meets girl friends of mine...allows false conclusion to be drawn...ends up with girl. Unfortunately, Me meeting straight men and allowing them to think I am straight does not make it more likely that I will sleep with them.

09. L.U.G.S. - Lesbians Until Graduation. -- Sexuality is fluid...not a big deal. Girls can go back and forth. Guys, though, tend to stay once they come to our side.
08. Gaydar. -- I still get tripped up by dorky guys. I can never tell if they're gay or just dorky. And let's not get started on the 'Gay Vague' or 'Metrosexuals'.
07. Oscar loves gay characters. -- But only if it's a straight actor playing gay. For some reason, a straight man delivering lines as a gay man is a much greater challenge than if his character were a murderer, physicist, or a flippin' skydiver.
06. Disco. -- I was born post-disco, so I missed real disco. I do know we have the best music, though. Just look at all the best DJs...gay-gay-gay.
05. You get to see everyone naked. -- This certainly is a perk at the gym. If you can peel your eyes away, you can spy around and see who else is taking peeks...voila-your next date. :)
04. Cowboys. -- Cowboy butts drive me nuts. I don't fall much for the uniform thing or role-playing or whatever, but cowboys are a different story...they're just hot.
03. No divorce. -- This, I think, is a lame argument against gay marriage. I would like to think that we could take on the responsibility of marriage at least as well as our straight counterparts.
02. You invented everything. -- Well, we're just smarter. Those children that think quietly in the corner are really just thinking about the world's next great invention.
01. Cher. -- I won't say anything against The Cher...she is just not my cup of tea. (Nothing is, really, considering I don't like tea.)


One of my referrals today was a Technorati search for "Great Things About Being" and Bravo. I was result #4...pretty good, right? But wait...Who's that above me? Why, That's my good bloggler buddy, Pimpin'D. :) I like it when I come across other blogs I read in the search results that lead people to TragicDemise...but how come he gets to be the top?

Thank You...

I would like you to all show some Blog Love (Blove) to J for our newest MOTM...a Deep Dish reinvention of the Fleetwood Mac classic, Dreams.

And yes...I do plan on making some commentary on the 'Top 20' from Bravo.

Night all...

Great Things About Being...Queer

• 20. Kid shows make you gay.
• 19. So many ways to be gay.
• 18. You're hilarious.
• 17. Showtunes.
• 16. Fag hags.
• 15. Lesbians look great on TV.
• 14. Scaring straight people.
• 13. Parades.
• 12. Mommy Dearest.
• 11. You have the best names.
• 10. Acting gay pays off.
• 09. L.U.G.S. - Lesbians Until Graduation.
• 08. Gaydar.
• 07. Oscar loves gay characters.
• 06. Disco.
• 05. You get to see everyone naked.
• 04. Cowboys.
• 03. No divorce.
• 02. You invented everything.
• 01. Cher

From Bravo tonight...I don't necessarily agree with them all...but there they are for you to discuss/argue/debate.

It's Picture Time

I rarely (read: never) post pictures of myself and my friends on my blog. It's mostly because we rarely take pictures. (It also has a lot to do with my hatred of being photographed.

This first pic is our friend Jeff. He is the bartender that loves to get me trashed. He is also Holly's boyfriend and our all around favorite guy. This pic is from Jeff and Holly's Fiesta Mexicana on Labor Day weekend. He is holding a searchlight so people can find their liquor and condoms pouring from the pinata.




This is Dani (left), random girl I don't know (middle), and Holly (right) showing us how they like to grab and hold on. (or how they like to share...i dunno.)






This is Crystal. She is Holly's roommate (that she never lives with) and our resident jeweler. Here she is downing a Hot Damn shot she found on the ground from the pinata.








Here we go. It's me....Matty McMattMatt. I was on the deck watching all the pinata fun down below. For some reason I am drinking a Miller Lite (ugh)...you can see Lynn's sister, Robyn, behind me painfully unaware of being photographed.







Here is Holly and Crystal...and Holly's boobs. This is from Jeff's bar...our favorite spot. I can't exactly pinpoint what night this is...but they all run together anyway, so it hardly matters.






This is Dennis, Crystal, and Lynn at the bar. Dennis is Crystal's...um, something. All I know is that he is cute, nice, funny, cute, and dresses well. He's pretty cute.






This is me (left), Bill (middle), and Dennis (right)...also at the bar. Bill is the one that made out with me so I would tell Lynn that he liked her. I did make out with him, but I'm not in 3rd grade, so I didn't tell Lynn.



Here I am kissing a girl. I don't know why Lynn and I are kissing...most likely just a good photo-op. Or I was drunk...I like girls more when I am drunk.





And, last but not least, is one of the many pictures of me kissing Dennis. Lynn is peeking through from the back for some reason, and Dennis was not this bored when I kissed him for real, lol. :)