White DE version 2

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

It's Not Often That I Bottom

As promised - here are my random thoughts on the top 20 Great Things About Being...Queer.

20. Kid shows make you gay.
-- Everyone knows that Tinky Winky and Sponge Bob make kids gay. I am older than those shows, though. I am pretty sure what made me gay was my overbearing mother and absent father.
19. So many ways to be gay. -- Bears, Twinks, Abercrombies, Flamers, Huffies...the list goes on. What about me? Not fat and hairy enough to be a bear, not skinny and hairless enough to be a twink, I wouldn't be caught dead in A&F, I am hardly a flamer (although I have my moments)...and I haven't been a Huffy since I was riding one. I am in gay limbo.
18. You're hilarious. -- Well, that just goes without saying.
17. Showtunes. -- I do enjoy me some showtunes. Wicked, Rent, Chicago, Hairspray...Bring 'em on.
16. Fag hags. -- We tend to utilize the term 'Fruit Fly' rather that fag hag. I don't know about yours, but mine are far too beautiful to be termed hags.
15. Lesbians look great on TV. -- Well, so do gay men. It's not often that the ugly fat actor gets the gay part.
14. Scaring straight people. -- Other than being inherently scary for being gay, I don't think I am that intimidating. I mean, I don't want to have butt sex with ALL the straight men.
13. Parades. -- My first pride parade was Chicago '99. Three-quarters of a million queers drunk and partying for the best cause ever...US!
12. Mommy Dearest. -- I am voluntarily giving up my gay card for this one. I have never seen Mommy Dearest.
11. You have the best names. -- On the show they give the example Helluva Bottom-Parter (Helena Bonham-Carter). While that is very clever, my favorite is my local Lube Wrestling hostess, Miss Teri Yaki.
10. Acting gay pays off. -- I have seen this in action. Straight boy is seen with me...meets girl friends of mine...allows false conclusion to be drawn...ends up with girl. Unfortunately, Me meeting straight men and allowing them to think I am straight does not make it more likely that I will sleep with them.
09. L.U.G.S. - Lesbians Until Graduation. -- Sexuality is fluid...not a big deal. Girls can go back and forth. Guys, though, tend to stay once they come to our side.
08. Gaydar. -- I still get tripped up by dorky guys. I can never tell if they're gay or just dorky. And let's not get started on the 'Gay Vague' or 'Metrosexuals'.
07. Oscar loves gay characters. -- But only if it's a straight actor playing gay. For some reason, a straight man delivering lines as a gay man is a much greater challenge than if his character were a murderer, physicist, or a flippin' skydiver.
06. Disco. -- I was born post-disco, so I missed real disco. I do know we have the best music, though. Just look at all the best DJs...gay-gay-gay.
05. You get to see everyone naked. -- This certainly is a perk at the gym. If you can peel your eyes away, you can spy around and see who else is taking peeks...voila-your next date. :)
04. Cowboys. -- Cowboy butts drive me nuts. I don't fall much for the uniform thing or role-playing or whatever, but cowboys are a different story...they're just hot.
03. No divorce. -- This, I think, is a lame argument against gay marriage. I would like to think that we could take on the responsibility of marriage at least as well as our straight counterparts.
02. You invented everything. -- Well, we're just smarter. Those children that think quietly in the corner are really just thinking about the world's next great invention.
01. Cher. -- I won't say anything against The Cher...she is just not my cup of tea. (Nothing is, really, considering I don't like tea.)

One of my referrals today was a Technorati search for "Great Things About Being" and Bravo. I was result #4...pretty good, right? But wait...Who's that above me? Why, That's my good bloggler buddy, Pimpin'D. :) I like it when I come across other blogs I read in the search results that lead people to TragicDemise...but how come he gets to be the top?


Blogger . said...

YEa a few of those threw me for a loop. I don't use the term fag hag...for the same reason you don't...however we do call her our fairy princess. Mommy Dearest? NEVER seen it. Disco WAS my era but I never listened to it...unless you count Abba. MY fav drag name. Toolita Pepsi and Shelita Buffet!

5:28 AM  
Blogger Pimpin' said...

It put me on top 'cause I have a cute little picture, I'm sure...

4:54 PM  
Blogger TOS said...

I have to say I really like that show - I saw it for the 1st time last night and it was pretty cool - though I agree about the divorce thing, but I won't start in on that.

I love me some Cher, but I was suprised it was Cher and not Madonna - oh no don't let me start that fight again (in truth I could care less, take my gay card now).

Ok I lied. It should have been...(breathe) Celine. Oh geez, now I've done it!

9:16 PM  
Blogger Jake McCafferty said...

Madonna? Ugh. Cher wins handsdown. Madonna may have gay dancers, but Cher has a dyke daughter!

And did you notice how forced the lesbian portion of the list was?

Oh, and no wire hangers!

11:10 PM  

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