We Now Return You to Your Regularly Scheduled Matty McMattMatt, Already In Progress . . . . .

Wow, 2 days. Not much of a break, but it's what I needed, I guess.

Lynn was right on target with her idea for retail therapy. It sounds shallow, but it's amazing what a new pair of Kenneth Cole sandals and piece of Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake can do for a boy.

Lynn and I spent the afternoon at Castleton Mall in Indianapolis. We were on the hunt for mandals, (man+sandals=mandals) and she picked up a sweet pair of BCBG pumps along the way at DSW. After we had explored Castleton all we could stand it was off the the Fashion Mall at Keystone for CHEESECAKE FACTORY!!!!!

Oh dear lord...The noises I made while eating my slice of Godiva chocolate Cheesecake should have been censored. As Lynn said, "Well, at least neither one of us needs laid this week." and I responded (as well as I could...hard to form sentences at this point), "True...I think I'm good."

So, we sat and chatted over cheesecake for about an hour and then hit the mall. Restoration Hardware, Pottery Barn, Parisian, Saks, Banana Republic, Illuminations, we hit everything.

I have a new favorite store. Tucked up in a dark corner near the second floor entrance to Saks is a little tiny store called Wicked Monkey. There's not a lot of anything...but there's a little of everything. A few styles of jeans, a couple dozen tops, great watches, and interesting belts. I held back...and bought nothing. But, I know where I am shopping from now on when I am in Indianapolis.

At Parisian, I found Thierry Mugler's Angel Men that I have been looking for over the past couple years, but all my usual stores stopped carrying it. One spritz later and I was ready to have sex with myself...I smelled that good. (I can still smell is now...just did.)

A short stop at Bed, Bath and Beyond...and we were headed home. I picked up a nifty tie rack...the plastic hanger I've been using just isn't cutting it.

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So, drama's over...I think. I had gone out Saturday night with the sole intention of being so drunk I couldn't find the phone to call 20. We went to Brittnie, Bonnie, and Forray's house and I had several beers, then hit Jake's Roadhouse where I had several vodka/cokes...and then went back to James' house, where we split (read: I drank) 1/2 a bottle of vodka. I didn't get home till 6:00 Sunday morning.

Unfortunately, he made the bad decision to leave me an IM while I was out saying only, "I'm not going." (To the appt I made for him.) I picked up the phone, stabbed some buttons and got him on the phone. We yelled at each other for about 20 minutes, during which I made it more than clear that his bad decisions were not my fault, and that I had done all I would to help him. I let him know that our relationship was destructive to me...and obviously him...and we were going to cut all contact. (I think I actually used the words 'cease and desist'.) He tried to make me feel guilty about "doing this to him" after 4 years of knowing each other...saying that I was not a good friend if I could just leave at the drop of a hat. My last words to him were, "If I don't do this...the next thing to drop is going to be me...Goodbye." A quick delete from the phone and AIM...I don't think I could contact him now if I tried. (Good thing.)

So, I am sorry for pushing this out into the world for all to see. I needed to vent and you guys were the closest audience. (And you couldn't really talk back...which I need sometimes. lol)

I want to thank ALL OF YOU for the kind words you left in comments and by e-mail. Jake, Jason, J6, BF, Pimpin' and Adam especially. I haven't known any of you very long...don't know you at all, really...but, your words of encouragement have made me feel like maybe there are great guys out there, still. I now know some incredible people have entered my life that I would have missed out on if I hadn't shared my stories this way. We may never meet...but I am touched and awed by your willingness to reach out to a near-stranger in a time of need to offer any comfort you could.