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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

A Little More Milk - A Little Less Shake

So, I have been super busy with work and other stuff. Saturday night I headed out to the Knickerbocker with Holly, Crystal, and Lynn (who finally showed up) for some alcoholic enjoyment. Lynn and I have the same weekend rotation at work. One weekend we are off Sat, Sun, and Mon. The next weekend, we are both off on Sun...and the third weekend, we work all the way through. One would think that the perfect time for some over-indulgence would be our 3-day weekends. I can assure you that we almost never have anything memorable occur on our 3-day. Our weekend through, however, has been raised to near mythical proportions in reference to the amount of debauchery that we can fit in, lol.

This last weekend was no different. The Double A Daddies were playing some sort of bluegrass, tub strumming, jug blowing thing...and we were having none of it, lol. About an hour and a half after we showed up, our friend Garrett came in and joined us. A word about Garrett - The men that Holly, Crystal, Lynn, and I like form a sort of a Venn diagram of hotness. We all have very different types, but there tends to be a little overlap. Then, every once in a while, that one glorious creature comes along that fits right in the middle - equally satisfying each of our tastes. Meet Garret, lol. He's a blast to hang out with, a pleasure to look at, and a delight to talk to. (I hate the word 'delight', but I am running low on adjectives for some reason.) He got back from Iraq just a few months ago and we have all been hanging out on a pretty regular basis.

Saturday night our conversation followed our normal pattern: 1) work. 2) people we know. 3) sex. I think Garrett showed up right at the end of 'People We Know'. After a couple drinks we had moved onto 'Sex' and got on the topic of underwear. We are all of the opinion that if you are not at work, you need not wear underwear. We took our normal poll and (true to form) none of us were...even Garrett. When Garrett finished his first drink, he said he wasn't going to have another. Well, that just wasn't going to happen. Lynn offered to buy his second drink and I offered his third. He said to Lynn, "Are you trying to get me drunk to take advantage of me?" Lynn kinda giggled and I said, "Well, she is buying your second to get you tipsy...I am buying your third - so draw your own conclusions." Holly piped up and said, "I don't think there is anyone at this table that wouldn't want to take advantage of you." - to which we all rapidly agreed, lol.

At some point in the night, I am sure I said something naughty. I reached over and pretended to grab Garrett's crotch. He looked up at me and said, "Well, if you're gonna do it...do it!" and put my hand on his crotch. Well, who was I to refuse such an invitation? I did a little exploring and he said, "I thought I said if you were going to do it...Do it." Well, that's all I needed. I implemented my patented one-handed-belt-removal technique and within a few seconds I had his belt and button undone. I was going to stop, but he looked at me and then I heard a 'woohoo' from Holly. So, I went for it. Zipper down - hand in pants. Um...Damn. Boy has quite a bit going on downstairs! I later heard comments from the girls that I should have taken it out and worked on it, but you have to remember that we are sitting at a table in a bar...and I would rather not get arrested, lol. A girl started to walk over to our table, so I lowered his shirt and left him kinda hanging there while she was standing over his shoulder. She left, but I made no move back to his crotch, leaving him to his own devices to get everything put away, lol.

Soon after that, we got a conversation about why I always use the stall when I pee. My reasoning is simple. I rarely am wearing underwear, but usually have an undershirt tucked into my pants. So, I said, "One reason is that rather than be all bare-assed at the urinal, I prefer to get myself put back together in the privacy of a stall." Immediately, everyone wanted to know the other reason. So, I turned to Garrett..."Ok, question for you. You know the little rhyme 'No matter how you shake and dance, the last few drops go down your pants'...how do you avoid that?" I said I often use a square of toilet paper to blot before I put it away. He said, "I usually shake, shake, milk, shake." Being the dirty boy that I am, I said, "How about a little more 'milk', and a little less 'shake' - and let me take care of it for you." lol.

The night continued in that way for the rest of the evening, lol...until, at one point, I was standing between Holly and Garrett. I turned to Holly and said, "I will kiss that man." I guess he knew that we were talking about him and asked what I said. I turned to him, now a little embarrassed, and said, "I told her I was going to kiss you." His response, "Well...ok." Seriously - perfect man, lol.

Anyway, great night - it gets a little fuzzy after that. It wasn't till the next day when I saw Crystal that I knew we were at the bar till 4:00. No wonder I was so tired when I got up for work at 9:00.

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