White DE version 2

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

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You Know You're From Indiana When...


You drive for three hours and the scenery outside doesn't change.
(It's flat here...what's to change?)

There's three feet of snow on the ground and school is still in session.
(Snow days are a myth...especially at Purdue. I heard of one once.)

You only go to the mall once a year 'cause it takes too long to get there.
(I work there...)

While driving all you see is corn.
(There are soybeans, too.)

People still have Christmas decorations up at Easter.
(Mine were up till the end of January...but that is because they were frozen on.)

You start saying to yourself "More than corn in Indiana my butt."
(Drive I-65 from Chicago to Louisville and you will, too.)

Anyone with a cell phone looks out of place.
(This one might be a little outdated...even the Amish have cell phones now.)

Walking through Wal-Mart with two carts full of kids is normal.
(Normal is not the word I would use...but I've seen it.)

Anyone with a tan is rich.
(No, it just means that they got to leave for a minute...The angle of the sun does not allow for tanning in Indiana.)

The hip hang-out place is McDonald's.
(I've seen Super-Size Me...I'm never going near Mickey D's again.)

There really is more than corn in Indiana. There’s soybeans, too.
(See, I told ya.)

When you plan an orgy and a Euchre game breaks out.
(I pride myself in being one of 17 people in Indiana that do not know how to play Euchre...I do like Hearts, though.)

A restaurant has an invisible wall in the non-smoking section and you believe it works.
(This is pretty much universal, I think...especially in Chicago where I have seen a rail being passed off as a barrier...)

Speeding consists of 2 miles over the speed limit.
(I don't remember the last time I went the speed limit...The Indy 500 is here because we drive fast.)

You think you don't have to use a turn signal on your car because you don't use it on your tractor.
(Contrary to popular opinion, not everyone drives a tractor - or even knows how.)

You build your dream house on a cornfield, and you considered it posh.
(I had a cornfield behind my house and behind my school...I never considered it 'posh'.)

You warsh your clothes and you think George Warshington was the first president.
(I am First Generation Wash.)

You're proud to be called a Hoosier, even if you don't know what one is.
(Hoosier by birth...Boilermaker by the grace of God.)

You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Terre Haute".
(One of the only cities in Indiana that actually uses its French pronunciation.)

Detassling was your first job. Bailing hay, your second.
(Detassling was actually my first job...For those of you that don't know, detassling is slave labor that involves herding teenagers through seed corn fields early in the morning to remove the tassles from some corn so it doesn't fertilize the other corn...I don't know why.)

You can stack hay, swim in the pond to clean off, and then have the strength to play a couple of games of hoops all in the same day.
(Never stacked hay...NEVER been in a pond...No good at basketball.)

You say things like "catty-wumpus" and "kitty-corner".
(I don't say them, but I know what they mean - and I don't look at people strangely when they say them.)

You own a dirtbike or a ATV.
(My stepfather does.)

You live in a city ... and there's a cornfield in your backyard.
(I think we covered this already.)

High school basketball game draws a bigger crowd on the weekend nights than movie theaters.
(This is not 'Hoosiers'...people have lives.)

You can see at least 2 basketball hoops from your yard.
(There are probably more that I can't see.)

You can name every one of Bob Knight's "exploits" over the last few years.
(Bobby Knight moved away a few years ago...Never heard of him since. --He's the one that threw the folding chair onto the floor at a basketball game among other things.)

You shop at Marsh.
(One of the few grocery store chains here...I just don't happen to shop there.)

Damon Bailey was your childhood hero.
(Who?)

The biggest question of your youth was "IU or Purdue?"
(That was NEVER a question...Purdue all the way, baby.)

Indianapolis is the "big city".
(Eh...I am from northern Indiana...and I have heard of Chicago. Indianapolis is a little closer, but I wouldn't go there on purpose.)

"Getting caught by a train" is a legitimate excuse for being late to school.
(Used to be...Most local trains have been relocated to a rail corridor. Now, if you actually get stuck by a train, no one believes you.)

People at your high school chewed tobacco.
(Not while at school...but yeah, they did.)

Everyone knows who the town cop is, where he lives, and whether he is at home or on duty.
(I do not live in Mayberry.)

You actually know what the CART vs IRL debate is about and have taken a side.
(I know what it means...but I couldn't give a shit less.)

The vehicle of choice in your area is not a car, but a pickup.
(I don't even know anyone with a pickup truck.)

Someone you know is BIG John Mellencamp fan.
(Several.)

You've been to the Covered Bridge Festival.
(Never seen one.)

To you, a tenderloin is not an expensive cut of beef, but a big, salty, breaded piece of pork served on a bun with pickles.
(Depends - Are you eating in your car with the food hanging on a tray?)

You call a green bell pepper a "mango".
(I've talked to a few people...and we think this is made up.)

In the fall, one of your favorite pranks was corning cars.
(I don't know what that is...but I have 'forked' yards in the middle of winter.)

You know what FFA and 4H stand for.
(FFA=Future Farmers of America - NOT Fist Fuckers of America. I was in 4-H for a year...shameful.)

You know what chip-and-seal is, and your high school was located on just such a road.
(Is it gravel? Is it pavement? Who knows.)

You go the county fair every night of it's week-long duration.
(I have never been to the county fair...I have all my teeth.)

You can say "French Lick" without laughing out loud.
(Larry Bird's hometown...I do crack a smile when I say it.)

There's actually a college near you named "Ball State."
(I thought of going there.)

You think the state Bird is Larry.
(He played for Boston...what do I care?)

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Indiana.
(Every single person I know.)

2 Comments:

Blogger flannel04 said...

Having been rasied (but not born) in Indiana, I have these things to say:

Everybody tans. We just have to do it in a salon. I've never hung out at McDonalds. I don't know how to play Euchre, but most people here do. People drive amazingly fast on I-65 and I-80/90. I've never said "warsh" in my whole life, although my dad says "woish". Don't ever refer to me as a Hoosier. I've never detassled. Don't care about Bobby Knight and I've never heard of Damon Bailey. On the other hand, a huge amount of people here in South Bend drive pickups. But they're the big, shiny new kinds. Not the old beat-up ones.

Just wanted to clarify. Indiana is not Arkansas or Mississippi. But we're not California, either!

9:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can you tell me what "catty-wumpus" and "kitty-corner" mean? ~Ann

9:57 PM  

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