Blast From the Past/What DO I Want?

PART I

I ran into my first grade teacher today at work. She walked right up to me and asked if I remembered her. I looked up from the counter and answered with her name...first and last: Donna Cahill. She was surprised, I was not. She was one of my favorite teachers I ever had. I was in her class when my parents were going through their divorce. Needless to say, it was a stressful time for my family and she actually cared...enough, even, to go to the school counselor with me and help me talk through things. I can't say that the counseling was that helpful, but it was a nice feeling to have someone (an adult) outside my family that I could talk to about things. My parents stayed together for another year and I changed schools for second grade. When I returned I was in third grade and it's not that easy to run into people not directly involved with your grade/class so we fell out of touch.

When I saw her today, I took a break and we caught up on things. She couldn't believe that I still remembered her after all these years. I reminded her that I only had maybe 75 teachers/professors during my school career and she has taught 30-35 students per year for 20 years. It was I that was surprised that SHE remembered me. During our little chat we realized that I had actually been in her first class as a full-fledged teacher...and I was the first student that she felt a personal involvement with. She said she remembered me every time she had a student that was having a rough time at home and was glad she could help...provide a stable environment for those kids that don't get one at home. I thanked her for being a teacher...there aren't enough good ones. It got me thinking about the rest of the teachers I have had...I can count the ones that have had any effect on me on one hand...and I don't even think I would need my thumb.

PART II

I was chatting this evening with an old friend that has known me through years of on-and-off (mostly on) singledom. We had shared a few months of very close friendship that some would term a relationship. In reality, it was just a time when we were both single and had a lot of time to spend together...we became very close, but it was never going to be a relationship. He moved away for grad school, and we lost touch, as I tend to do. Recently he popped back up on AIM and we began talking. Incessantly. Well tonight our conversation broached the subject of dating and he said something that really hit home.

"You don't want a relationship. You're too intense to be able to get everything you need from one person."

I have had similar thoughts in the past but chalked it up to making excuses for not dating. But, to hear it from another person made it true. I always kept a dim little hope that there is a super-guy out there that is every thing at every time. I understand how unrealistic that sounds...but I kept the hope alive. Even when I thought I could "lower my standards" and find a guy, I never did - nothing lasting. I understand that no relationship is perfect and that is not what I am looking for. I tend to surround myself with about half a dozen people that have varying personalities that match mine...(have I mentioned I am a little manic?) I have a big personality and people have been known to tire of it quickly. Honestly, the most successful 'relationship' I have ever had was living with Ami for a year...and she's a girl. It is usually grounds for Best-Friendship if, for some reason, I spend over 24 hours straight with a person and we can still stand each other. But, there are certain things even best friends don't do.

I think I have boiled it down to a few choice criteria for a boyfriend. I want someone that can tell, no matter how happy I seem, that work was hell and I need to lay on the sofa with them. ...someone that will ask if I want a foot-rub, and know that I would never let someone rub my feet. ...someone that can leave me alone if I ask them to, but 10 minutes later know that I am bored of being alone.

I could go on and on...but I won't. This post is much longer than I intended it to be. Technically, though, it is kinda two -- two -- two posts in one.