White DE version 2

Thursday, April 07, 2005

25...Halfway Done

So, here is it at noon on my birthday. I don't remember the last time I felt this depressed. I don't know what I was expecting to happen, but it didn't. This weekend is all up in the air trying to find a place to stay now that Joe backed out. (I don't blame him, the boy is in law school and working full time...AND still volunteering.)

I feel like I should have something life-changing to say today...I just wanna go back to bed. My grandmother (who is 75) announced to me today that I am 1/3 of her age. When I replied that I was also 1/2 as old as I ever wanted to be she got horribly angry and we yelled at each other for about 30 minutes. I don't ever want to be 75. or even 65. When I think about myself as an older man 50 is where it stops. I can't fathom being any older than that. It's just all downhill.

I've never had a lot of patience with anything in the world...let alone thinking I have to do this for another 50 years. Waking up and going to work every day...FIFTY more years of that? I don't think so. I'm tired of it already.

It's like have a really long paper due. I get going really well, then I stop and ignore it for a while, and then I need to be done with it so I rush and it ends up all crappy. If I knew I had to live to be 75, I would rush the end and it would be all crappy. Fifty is an age that I can get to. It's like a medium length assignment -- one you can complete with only a break for a snack and to pee.

I have several invitations to dinner tonight. I don't want to go to any of them. Not because I am too depressed to enjoy a night out, but because these people are all WAY more excited than I am about my birthday now. Here's my thing: if I am excited, please be excited with me, or at least for me. When I stop being excited, you have to, as well...otherwise I will be thoroughly annoyed with you and do all I can to avoid you. (Did I ever mention I am a little manic?)

So, enough about that...too depressing. Why don't you hop over to Bex's and take a look at her sassy sassy buck...


Image hosted by Photobucket.com

There are pictures of other deer parts, too...but, I won't show those here.

1 Comments:

Blogger Jake McCafferty said...

I don't stop by this blog enough, so my apologies for the multipart comment. But you write some interesting things.

1. If you're halfway done at 25, then, damn, I should get busy on my "list of things to do before I die." I'm 3/4 to 50 and I still have a lot of people left to piss off.

2. Good for you on the self-defense amidst the bashing. Next time, mash those Blanche high heels (you were Blanche, right?) into his nuts and leave him with -- or actually without -- something to always remember you by. (Which reminds me of a funny story, considering most people assume gay men are passive ... a drunk, presumably straight boy was bothering a girl friend at a bar one night. I asked him, "Have you ever had your ass kicked by a fag before?" He didn't seem to comprehend much but he did manage to shake his head. I continued, "Well, then, in about three seconds, if you don't leave her alone and crawl back into the hole you came from, you're going to have something to tell the grandkids about." He never bothered her again.)

3. In your religion post, you mention being agnostic because you believe there is some sort of higher power out there. I believe you might more correctly call yourself a "theist," if you prefer not to identify as a Christian, Jew, etc. The term "agnostic" has taken on varied meanings, but it's most widely accepted defines people who proclaim that the existence of a supreme being is unknown. Agnostics are further divided into two camps: weak and strong. Weak agnostics believe it is possible to one day know if a supreme being exists. Strong agnostics believe we'll never know.

You can read a little more about theism here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theism

1:01 PM  

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