White DE version 2

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

OMG FederFetus LIVES!

Silly me, I went about my whole day yesterday as if the world was not coming to an end. The Spederline is pregnant...this is great news for both of them. K-Fed must be beaming...his first non-bastard child...a proud moment for everyone's favorite dead-beat dad. And Brit-Brit now has an excuse to go barefoot! (By the way, get your bookings in now...FederFetus will be available for backup dancer for the fall 2025 concert season.) Oh, and don't forget to stop by The Official FederFetus Blog. By the way, FederFetus is my affectionate term for the little tot...it prefers to be called Fetus Spears.

Oh, and to the many many people that have found their way here trying to find pictures of Mike 'The Miz' in a speedo...I don't have those pictures. Sorry.

So, vacation is over. Yesterday was my first day back to work and it was actually a good day. Selling $1,500 @ 9% commission kinda makes your day...$19.25/hour. I did miss all the $7,000 days from last weekend, but I was in Chicago getting birthday kisses at Roscoe's, so I am ok with that. I think I have finally recovered from the weekend...I feel hydrated and rested and ready to face Lafayette again. Nothing is good enough here after being in Chicago again. The people are way more rude, slow, and stupid here than I remember. I need to move. On the downside...the 2 of us spent $30 on the El in just 2 days.

Speaking of the El...watch out at the North/Clybourn stop. Lynn made the mistake of taking a handful of vitamins before we checked out of the hotel and then telling me she needed to eat soon. We had planned to eat lunch at Nookie's Tree on Halsted. We had all of our luggage with us, so I intended to take the train to the car, and then back down to Belmont...That would mean all the way to Roger's Park and back to Lakeview...not "soon" by anyone's definition. She thought she would be ok, so we trekked over to Grand...2 stops later, she turns to me with her pale/ashen face and mumbles, "We need to get off." This wouldn't have been a problem, but the Cubs game was about to start and there were 8 million people on the train...as we fight for the door I am horrified that she is gonna pass out on the train. We finally made it out of the train and she dropped her bags and ran...the opposite direction of the exit. I thought she was headed for the bench to sit...no...her actual target was the grate next to the bench that she proceeded to spew in the general direction of for the next 10 minutes...and through the next train. A few people saw, a couple people stared...I mean stared, like they wish they had a camera. A small boy had the best reaction when he turned to his mother and said, "Momma, that girl got icky on the floor." It was, most definitely, icky...all over the floor. Afterwards, though, she felt fine...and the only casualty was a $30 pair of sunglasses that neither of us really cared to retrieve and she wanted an excuse to replace anyway.

So, if you're headed north on the red line from North/Clybourn...watch your step. Who knows how long it'll be before it gets cleaned up.


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